things she never said out loud</3

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6th march 2013.
I was reading a book. Actually I always stay at my room, being alone is all that I want.

So, it was afternoon & my father called my mom, He lives in another city for his job. So he was talking to my mom and asking where's my brother & me was? My mom said your son is playing outside & your daughter is doing some useless stuff so that she can skip her studies.
I heared that but I said nothing cuz this is not new to me . They're always so mean to me .

No matter what I do , I was never enough. And I'm kinda used to it.

Actually I borned in a judgemental society, and this types of society is all about comparison's & competition's .

And that's why we're never enough for our parents. No matter how much good you're. If there is someone better than you then you can't take a breath peacefully until you're at the top.

You can't say anything out loud, you can't listen music with high volume, you can't argue all you do you've to hear that "what will other say?".

Sometimes all I want is to leave this house and go wherever my eyes take me .

But we've to be patient for the right time. If traveling was free then no-one will ever see me more than once. But the reality is always bitter.

My goal is to living in a country where nobody knows me. But my father never allowed me to do it. All he ever said to me is "stop dreaming", "Don't cross your limits", "You're a girl".

But I never looses hope no matter what I can't think about living my whole life here.

They never appreciates me the way I am. All they wanted is more, more & more. And I also was always chasing that "more".

Yeah that's the way my life was going. And between this comparison's , competition, chasing I forgets who I am? What I want?

And the answer was always "prove yourself to others!" But never was "Improve yourself & learn new things everyday".

And behind that lost girl, there was a girl who never looses hope, never stopped dreaming cuz she believes that ,

"TIME HEALS EVERYTHING ".

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