Little Freak H.S

11. Ghosts

Harry Styles

HIS PAST

"I stayed for you!" I was shouting, something I never did. But thats how I got when I was strung out on coke and it was all because of her.

"I don't care Harry, go find someone who does." There she was, the love of my life, my soulmate or so I thought. But this wasn't her, no. She wasn't like this it was the drugs. had to be.

"Is this about coke? because, I-... ill go back to making songs to get us more baby. I write a love song for you how about that hmm?" what she was saying wasn't real. What we had was. all of it.

"Oh God! Harry no it's not about fucking coke! It's about you it's always about you! "'The band wants me to move to LA. The label needs me to finish the album. I need you to hold me because I took too much coke. I don't understand why you're so distant Charlie. Charlie, come over. Charlie I miss you. Charlie but what about me'Its all about you..." She's just not thinking straight right now. She loves me. Why is she acting like this?

"I did this for you Charlie, all of it, I don't understand?" Im starting to shake now. Those always come when I start feeling too much while also being this level of high. the level of high I only get to when i'm with her. Because she tells me to.

She's packing her bags. or her bag... not much of her stuff is here to begin with. It's like she barely existed here in the 6 months since we got back together, 6 months since I turned down Niall and the band. For her.

I thought shed be happy finally. I stopped trying to grow my audience, stopped writing the songs I wanted and started writing for quick money. selling my ideas that were scribbled in my beaten up notebook. songs id promised myself id turn into something real one day. and I never did. for her. and she's leaving.

"Well I found someone who will do more for me." her words cut deep for how casual they sounded. so I assume I misheard her.

"I'm sorry what?" suddenly my body stops shaking and my limbs found a way to move steadily towards her back. she's facing the bed away from me so that must be why I thought heard something else. she stops folding her few shirts and shorts into her bag.

"Someone else. Harry, i'm tired of you and your neediness. I need more." Why does she sound in pain right now. Like she's the one who's being dumped.

"What so this was all for what! For nothing!" Im shouting again. My whole career may be gone because of her. Just for this all to be a stepping stone? A maybe relationship she wasn't fully in.

"No, you were baby. You were for nothing." she spins around green eyes locking on mine. but they aren't searching for anything, just bobbing there with soulless intent. "You just made the wrong choice is all. i was wondering if you'd have the balls to stand up to me and decide to go to LA. I thought ' maybe he changed and finally grew up' but no here you are still begging me to love you like the same little boy I met in Manchester."

My stomach spun but I stayed standing up right. My feet were rooted in their place. Stuck in the atmosphere of her words. watching as the last 6 months of constant sex, drugs and lies play in my head on an endless loop. I was going to be sick.

"Oh and now you're sad." she turned back around and stuffed the rest of her clothes in it and zipped it up like it was a normal afternoon. "And now I'm bad guy" Like I was a blip in her way. A burden asking for a huge favor. When in reality I was a man asking her to love me or care for me, even just a little.

I thought this was real but she was just a ghost. A combination of imagination and foggy memories. There was nothing real about Charlie Stone, maybe thats how she managed to walk through my walls so easily. How she played our previous breakups off as us finding our way. Back and forth for 3 years. I could've been out of here by now. Out of the UK out of the slums. I was so close. Climbing, writing, building for years, months and it almost was worth it. If only I had taken the chance to get out. If only I had left when I needed to. When I was supposed to. Thinking I had found something that was worth staying for. Something solid and real. actually real. But she was a ghost. I mean, why else would we keep coming back to each other. Why else did we torture ourselves with the idea of the other person for this long. Was it all a game to her?