Fracture || Xmen

12

"Am I done being your guinea pig for the day? I have to get to class." Those are words I never thought I would hear myself saying, but again, I also never thought that I would be in a school for super-powered freaks, yet here I am. The woman, who I've just now learned is the infamous Jean Grey, tilts her head to the side as her green eyes study my face.

"I've already alerted Logan and Storm that you won't be able to attend the rest of your classes today," she says, her tone indifferent. "You can't leave until you've shown some progress with your abilities." She turns to flick through a clipboard that seems to appear from nowhere, her white lab coat brushing against the cold, sterile equipment of the lab we're standing in. Similar to the one I first woke up and stabbed Hank in, except a small lego wall stands between me and Jean. She wants me to knock it down before I leave, which is wishful thinking considering I couldn't even get a Coke can to budge in Xavier's office.

The room is quiet except for the hum of machines and the distant echoes of footsteps somewhere far beyond the thick, sealed doors. I clench my fists as I look at that stupid toy wall that blocks my escape.

"Fuck you, you can't make me do shit," I snap at her, my voice echoing off the high ceilings of the lab. Anger burns hotly inside of me, a fiery companion I've grown all too comfortable with. I'm sick of these people telling me what to do, assuming that they can control or dictate my actions, like him. Even then, it's like these powers are more in control of me than I am of them, an ever present chaos I can't tame.

Jean's expression remains calm, but her eyes sharpen, a professional curiosity mixed with a look I can't quite place, as she gives me that look again. Like she's not seeing through me, but seeing inside of me. "You're afraid of them," she states simply, her voice almost tinged with intrigue as it's steady above a whisper.

What the hell is this lady going on about?

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." My irritation spikes as I narrow my eyes at her, about done with her weird psychoanalytic-guru bullshit.

Jean's gaze doesn't waver, that strange look in her eyes never wavering. "What you did to him. You're scared that it might happen to someone else, to you." Bullshit, I immediately counter in my mind at her words, but even then, I can feel them cutting me, hitting the wall I've already put up. It's the instinctual need to shield myself from truths too painful to confront, truths that she somehow has figured out.

"You did nothing wrong. He deserved what came to him," she continues, her voice firm yet gentle, as if trying to reassure me. Those are words I've told myself countless of times, a mantra that repeats itself in my mind after I wake up screaming from my sleep.

"I know! Fuck! Believe me, I know!" I shout back, the words tumbling out harsh and loud as I instinctively turn away, facing the wall as I start to absentmindedly pace in the corner. "I don't feel guilty about it," I add quickly, the lie tasting bitter on my tongue. The lie I've chanted to myself since that night. For a moment, it works, being able to swallow down the taste of blood shed by your own hands, but inside, he's still clawing at me, a ghost in my nightmares that lives on long after I've awoken screaming in terror, night after night.

Jean's face softens as she steps around the lego wall, my pacing never ceasing as she takes a few steps towards me. "I can't promise miracles, but there's so much about your power that you don't understand." She pauses, gauging my reaction as I slow down my pacing, finding myself slightly interested in what she has to say. "Your ability to break things down is just the surface. Imagine if you could reconstruct, not just destroy. Quantum phasing allows objects, or even yourself, to pass through other matter. And yes, even the possibility of teleportation. The possibilities with your powers can be unlimited. You don't have to destroy if you don't want to."