CHASING ( BLUES )

That day when I couldn't find the pen

It was one ordinary night, I remember. 

I was lying down on the couch of my living room, no one was at home that night, they all were somewhere I didn't want to go, celebrating something without me because I didn't want to be a part of it.

I called in sick and lied that night but now that I think about it, I should have gone with them and celebrated instead of reminiscing about something.

I recalled that night as if it flowed in my blood. 

There was no light, the darkness was everywhere around me and the one who could defy it was lying on the couch defeated.

Let me tell you something about my living room. It's a big room built to suit my father, a man that comes from a village, he lived his whole life there. The house would be big enough to hold a large family but everyone would come to eat together in the same room.

A little added description so you it's actually a little big and sometimes it scares me but that's for another day. And we have windows which makes no sense to have four windows on two walls and these windows are big too.

The light coming to mine belonged to a home present on the other side of the road, a total ruin to my already ruined state, but I made no attempts to walk and draw the curtains.

I layed there and listened to the silence, the one who often got ignored was the one who entertained me.

I could feel time passing without a mercy on an exhausted fighter, actually i could even feel every second passing slowly slowly wanting me to shout in excruciating pain. If you ask how, I have this clock and it's voice gives me anxiety too, especially at night but let's leave it for some other day because I came and I am not leaving anywhere near.

In this moment when I was thinking particularly nothing and everything at the same time.

I felt words in my brain coming back to life, after so long I could feel them in me, slowly emerging from the scratch was the feeling I loved.

There was this urge that gripped me in hold, a steel grip which commanded me to write, just write because beside this what else I am even good at.

As if the bullet hit me straight going through my skull, I jumped with grabby hands moving here and there.

I searched every corner.....everywhere but I couldn't find it, I couldn't find the pen.

The straight paper which used to stand tall in the glory was now crumbled in my hands as the anger took the hold of me.

I shouted and searched everywhere for a pen. The desperation echoed in my home but no one was at home.

That moment I had this aim that set the bar of every achievement I have high and I told myself that day how worthless a person could be, being not able to find a pen.

The pen was lost just like the words of this writer.

And Nothing happened that night, 

 night when I couldn't find the pen.