Lovingly Yours -- Scaramouche

unsent 6

Dear Kuni,

Before I found out I had cancer, we were around a few days after the break up, and the worst part is that I was pregnant.

I'm worried it affected the baby but that's not a problem now, I was depressed for a long time, having to handle a miscarriage while having to manage cancer.

I was stuck in the hospital because I was pregnant, not because I had cancer, I was free to roam the outside world but I couldn't, the baby would be in danger if I was in danger.

But even after the precautions, our baby is gone. And I know it's your baby, I know he's yours, and yours only. I would never be with another, I was contented with you.

Remember the first night we met.. in the rainy day where we had no idea we were even going in the same school, I offered you my umbrella and you took it and left me soaked that day.

When we finally met in school, I knew it was fate, when I asked you for my umbrella but you never gave it back saying you lost it even though you really just wanted to keep it.

It's a moment in my life I won't ever forget, it was nice to be soaking wet since it was from you, but jokes aside, you can keep the umbrella, it's not like a dying girl who can't even leave her own hospital room can use it anymore.

Scaramouche, I've always loved you from the deepest bottom of my never ending heart. I could look up at the sky and think, why were we destined to be each other, and even if we were really destined.

But of course, who knows? I can't really tell, at this point of my life I feel like once I close my eyes for even a second longer I'll just throw everything away and disappear into this madness.

I lost the baby, which is depressing, I can't get over it but I can't let it take over me, the one thing I have of you, is gone. I'm battling cancer, which makes everything way harder.

I have everyone by my side, Kaeya, you, Xiao, Ningguang, Beidou, Zhongli, and so many more people.. there's so many that I don't wanna let down, especially you.

I already did didn't I? At first I wanted to send you this letter, but when the time comes, you'll reach this letter and read it from the bottom of your heart, cause I know I'm still inside that heart while it beats.

I can't lie, I know you still at least love me, or do you not? I want you to keep on loving me but it's your choice, I'm lovingly yours and I always will be, but I don't know if you'll be mine forever.

Once the time comes and you see this, I hope you know that I love you, and I always have.

I'm probably just being dramatic any way.

With utmost love
-Y/N