PTSD

Chapter 18 : Camping

Chapter 18

Later...   

Riker POV

Dad had a tent in his trunk, so after another hour of driving, we ended up on a dirt road. We hiked a little bit into the woods, and dad put the tent up. 

We had no sleeping bags or anything really. Dad made a fire, but all we had was the fire and tent. 

He gave me some granola bars that he had in his trunk and a bottle of water, so I wasn't hungry anymore. But I was really scared to be in the woods in the middle of nowhere.

It was a bit cold too. So I just kept my hood up and stayed by the fire to keep warm. 

I almost wonder if this time, dad is being more careful to not give me a way to escape or get help. I mean, I could sneak out of the tent and run, but I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm not close to a town or anything. 

As it got later and darker, every noise I heard, I was positive it was a bear coming to eat us. Being in the woods at night is terrifying.

It started raining super hard and then even started storming. It was raining so hard that our fire went out. It was so dark now and I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack again.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked, quietly.

"Go to bed."

"But it's dark. We have no fire."

"We're not going to have a fire while it's raining this hard."

Dad laid down on the ground, so I did too. It felt very hard. I could feel all the rocks beneath me. And I was cold with no sleeping bag.

The thunder got louder and louder until it was directly over us. I kept seeing the bright flashes of lightning and I was practically panicking now.

I sat up, out of breath.

"Riker, go to bed."

"I c-can't!"

I pulled my knees to my chest, shaking.

"Riker, it's just a storm."

"No, it's not! It's the fact that it's storming, we're in the middle of nowhere, I have stupid brown hair now, it's cold, we have no sleeping bags, and I miss Ross!" I said, crying.

Dad sat up beside me.

"And I'm having a panic attack and I don't want to get yelled at!"

"Riker-"

"I can't help it! It just happens!"

"Calm down."

"I can't! I'm scared!"

Dad sighed and put his arm around me, and immediately I clung onto him, trying to feel any safer. I buried my face in his chest. I don't care if he's hurt me before. I'm terrified right now and I need help calming down.

"So this anxiety thing really isn't something you can control?"

"It just happens," I whispered.

Dad sighed and laid down. I laid down next to him, still clinging to him. The storm was really freaking me out. It's so loud. We're never going to hear if a bear is coming to eat us.

I was trying to calm myself down because my hyperventilating was hurting my chest. But I just kept wondering about tomorrow. Do we have to keep camping in the woods with literally no supplies?

"Riker, you're going to need to calm down if you ever want to get some sleep."

"I'm too scared."

"Riker, nothing is going to happen."

I turned on my side, facing him, and buried my face in his chest, still shaking. I forced myself to take deep breaths until I calmed down.

I'll admit, I don't like my dad. And I would never ever want to live with him again or see him again either. But I'm glad he's here right now because I would be petrified if I was out here by myself.

"Are we really safe?" I asked, softly.

"Yes, we're really safe."

"Ok..."

I hope tomorrow we go somewhere different. And I hope that somewhere different is a place where I can get help somehow.