I'll look after you *Remus lupin comfort fic

keeping up the act p2

we were nearly at the great hall now, me still walking behind her, pulling on the more loose thread that hung of my robe sleeve, i grabbed her arm slightly and stopped. "'mione listen, I'm sorry about everything, I've just been super tired recently and.." she raised her hand to stop me talking, "no it was me Abby, i shouldn't have just dropped you like that, its not your fault its  mine" she looked slightly sad but then looked into my eyes smiling, "I was just hoping we could start over". I looked at her slightly confused. 'It was my fault, i screamed at her without any reason why. Why was she apologizing to me? I don't deserve to be friends with her..'

"You know you don't have to be nice to me if you don't want to, i would understand.." i looked down at my feet and sighed under my breathe "i wouldn't blame you, i was horrid to you when you were just trying to help".

Hermione frowned and pouted slightly, "I'm not just pretending to be nice to you, your my friend, and i want us to be ok again, for us to be able to all hang out together again, all three of us have missed you" 

I looked up at her, my eyes slightly welling at her words but i just smiled, "me too". She smiled back and we continued to walk the rest of the way to the hall then sat down with Harry and Ron. 

"Everythin' ok wif us now then?" Ron said through a stuffed face of toast. I laughed in response, "yeah everything is cool" Harry turned over to face me and offered me a smile then reached over and squeezed my hand, "good" he said then he turned his attention back to his food. 

Hermione and Harry engaged in a lively conversation about the actual dangers of quidditch so my mind drifted to the food. 

I glanced up to the teachers table and saw Lupin looking at me attentively. 

I looked from him to the clock and saw i still had 20 minutes left of breakfast. Enough time for anyone to eat something proper.. 

I brought my attention back over to the table where all the food was laid. Gulping, i grabbed some toast and spread some jam on it, also grabbing the orange juice and pouring myself a glass, then i looked down at what i had to consume. 

Maybe if i could focus my attention on something else while eating, it wouldn't be too bad? 

I grabbed A picture of Dorian Gray out of my bag and opened the page to where i was up to last, taking the bookmark out and putting it in my pocket, i started reading while i reached out, picked up my piece of toast and took a small bite out of it and swallowed, without ever averting my gaze from my book. 

The piece of toast felts like i had swallowed a large rock. I could feel it go down my throat and instantly felt sick. Not wanting to cause suspicion though, i took another bite and then another. Just focusing on my book, i managed to eat the entire piece and then downed the whole glass of orange juice. 

I instantly felt the feeling of the food filling my stomach and i didn't like it. 

I had gotten used to the feeling of my empty stomach that even with the slightest bit of food i had felt uncomfortable with the feeling. 

The sensation of slight fullness made me feel fat. 

I had noticed my body change since i had started skipping meals and i didn't hate it. 

This piece of food i had consumed was going to change everything. 

It would just give my father another reason to hurt me. Because i am ugly. Because i am fat. 

I needed to get it out of my body somehow. 

The next best thing to not eating is just forcing myself to throw the food up.