Looking For Myself

TEN

I followed him to the bridge where he sat at the edge, and he threw his legs over the railings.

I sat next to him and did the same thing. It felt great. As if your legs were floating.

Quinn looked at me in a very freaky way. He was studying my face.

"You're pretty when you smile."

Fuck, I didn't notice. I was uncontrollably smiling. Probably looking like a fool.

I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at the lake.

Somehow, the lake felt more comforting than therapy. It makes you feel like it understands you. It takes your negative vibes and drowns them in it. It tells you to calm yourself without actually saying it. And I fell in love with it.

"Can I... can I come here some other time?" I asked Quinn.

"of course," he said while looking at the lake, then he turned to face me "but under one condition"

I waited for him to continue. But apparently, he was waiting for me to ask first.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to avoid his eyes looking at me as if he was trying to memorize my face.

If I become a serial killer, or decide to run away, the police will find me in no time. I'm not going to be one, I'm just saying.

"This place, is a secret. Not even my friends know about it."

Then why showing it to me? this guy is  unconsciously playing with my mind. 

But I just nodded.

"This is so new. I think I'm going to keep many secrets from today on."

The atmosphere gave me a feeling of relaxation, and I felt comfortably okay about talking spontaneously with anyone now. Even Quinn.

"Actually, I have a question. How do you know my name?"

"Oh, Cassie, dear Cassie, you need to know that, when I need to know anybody, I'll know everything about them." He bragged.

"Wow, that's a lot of confidence you got there." I said, smiling. "But seriously, answer me."

Gosh it feels great to genuinely smile after a long period of sadness and depression.

"A little bird told me"

"Oh, come on" I laughed "that's not an answer!"

He smirked and took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, grabbed one and lit it.

Surprising but expected. Sexy too.

"y'want one?"

"Umm... honestly, I don't know"

"I would like to say no for your health, but I would love to have someone to share with the pleasure of smoking."

He gave me one.

"it's my first time."

He leaned his head on his shoulder, took a puff of his cigarette "We all have our first times. Relax, just take some, inhale and.." the he let out some smoke "exhale. Easy."

He lit up my cigarette.

I kept looking at it for some seconds. All of this is strange, new, surreal, but also cool. I think smoking is supposed to be cool based on society. And I'll do it once. Just once, for an experience. That's it.

I inhaled. Chocked. Searched for breath. Felt like I was about to die. Cursed Quinn in my thoughts. Chocked again. Felt like throwing up. I clung to the railings. Feeling my head spinning like crazy.