Broken Kingdom

29

Lights were glittering everywhere, and the gigantic ballroom seemed larger now that I sat on the dais with Haelyn and Thomas. It was busier, since more guests were invited to the ball than to the banquet. When the doors closed, Thomas got up and bowed before me, stretching out his hand to me. I took it with a dip of my head, and he lead me to the center of the ballroom. My heart was pounding in my throat, almost too loud for me to hear anything else. I saw a lot as my eyes scanned the crowd. Ladies that looked sour or jealous. A few Protectors looked at me with loathing, the older ones looking at me with pity. There were some surprised faces looking at us. "Are you ready?" Thomas asks, his voice a hush. 
"Can't really back out now," I respond, a tight smile on my face. 
"Just enjoy. After that, nobody will look up if you were to disappear."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you're a shadow. I'll cover for you with my mother."
"Thank you."

The music started and Thomas placed a hand on my waist, barely touching me. His other hand took mine, and he started guiding me through the dance. I smiled as I bit back some words. He saw and leaned in to whisper; "You're not used to me taking the lead, are you?" 
"Wasn't aware that you could." He notices my eyes darting throughout the room.
"Hey, don't look at them. Just look at me. Just me. I'll help you through it." I look into his hazel eyes and nod. After a deep breath, I let myself feel the music, guided through the steps by Thomas. Soon, I stop noticing anything else. I close my eyes, doing the dance mostly on memory. I knew it. I'd danced it a hundred times before. I'd seen it when Thomas had practiced the past weeks. And for a second, it felt as if I was alone with him, not a care in the world. When I opened my eyes, I saw how he looked at me. Tender, amused, and astonished. I let a genuine smile shimmer through as he twirled me through the room. My skirt followed, swirling around me in a graceful motion. 

Sooner than I wanted, the music came to a halt, and the rest of the dance floor filled with couples, ready to dance. Thomas bowed before me and guided me back to the dais. "I will go and mingle, mother," he says as he bows his head. 
"Have fun, my son. It's Lharoninine after all," she responds.
"I will mother. Thank you." I sit on the chair on Haelyn's left, catching my breath a bit. 
"You two looked wondrous out there," she says to me. 
"Thank you, Your Majesty."
"I've never seen him look at anyone the way he just looked at you."
"How did he look?"
"Happy. Alive. Bewitched by you."
"Your Majesty I can assure you I'd never-" 
"I know, Eira. I know. He still is. I fear, he's falling in love. My husband used to look at me like that. Long ago." I keep silent. "Should we come out of this pending war, should he still feel the same, I can imagine him picking a match. He's always said he won't marry for love, just that his consort has to be pleasant. I can think of worse matches than a woman devoted to her country and him. A hero."
"Your Majesty-"
"I'd give my blessing. You are a marvel. Should he make that choice, I'd be proud to call you my daughter. Ascana will be in the hands of two powerful rulers, that will defend it until their last breath. A love match is the strongest alliance after all."
"And... what if I were to refuse?"
"You won't. I won't let you. Besides, you'd be betraying your own heart. And I have a feeling you very rarely let it rule over your head. So when you do, it will kill that last piece of humanity you so desperately hold onto."

I simply nodded and looked out over the crowd. Everybody was celebrating the first silver night of the year. Wine and nectar were drank by most, the music swept up more, and the conversations got louder as the minutes passed. I took a deep breath and turned to the Queen. "Your Majesty, I have my own ritual on this night. Would you allow me to go?" I ask. 
"Go ahead. It's not my celebration after all. I'll see you soon, Protector."
"See you soon, Your Majesty." I get up and walk towards the side of the room, almost glued to to walls and windows. In the darkest corner, I stepped into the shadows, their wind welcoming and calming. More and more, I started to understand where Thomas got his more duplicitous side from. In the observatory, I stepped out of the shadows. In a circle of candles I could barely fit in, I sat down on my knees. A match lit them, and I started my prayers.