Fading Stars and Silent Tears

impression on Aurelius (Part 1) [Seraphina's POV]

"What? You want me to talk about what are my thoughts on Aurelius?"

"Well, to be honest. I don't think that much of him for now; I just see him as a nice guy. He is kind, and I can easily talk to him."

"You know from what I have lived and passed through, it's not easy to give my love because I'm pursued that I'm the problem, and I think that boys gonna leave me for what I am."

"I know I'm a consistent burden, but I keep my head straight and act like it was nothing."

"But to go back to Aurelius, yeah, he is charming, kind, but there is nothing between us. He is only a friend, at least that's what I thought. I know a lot of boys who came talking to me kindly, and eventually, some of them... like two of them got the chance to date, or I did get the chance to date them. I honestly don't know."

"So Aurelius wasn't that different from the previous people I dated, except, I don't know why, he is like me, that's hard to understand and explain, to be honest..."

"I was never interested in sexual activity, and founding a family does not excite me that much... or at all to be fully honest. So when we discussed casually about it and he told me he was not interested neither, something inside... I don't know how to express it, it kind of made me at ease? At least it was nice to know that he wasn't interested in that too, and that he respected the fact I did not want to found a family. Well, it was really nice."

"As the days went on, I noticed he was trying to, I don't know if we can call this flirting? Honestly, he is bad at flirting, but the way he was shy was kinda cute? Yeah, I think we can say that. He approached me in a way that could be described as a feather, it was gentle, like almost if he knew I was something fragile, broken inside."

"At that time, I was at a difficult moment in my life. I just got out of a relationship, at least it should have been a few months already if I remember correctly. And I wasn't actually ready or even wanted to think about this thing, but he persisted, and tried to pierce that shell I created for myself... and oh boy, he was persisting."

"His personality? Well, I can say, unsure of himself, but he knows how to comfort someone, and he has that fire in his eyes each time he talks to me, at least when the topic is about me, and that, without hesitation, I knew exactly that this little boy inside him was desperately searching for a place to stay. But unfortunately for him, I wasn't in the possibility to let him enter inside, and was forced to watch him suffer at least for that time."

"And without me realizing I entered into two conflicts. What are those? Will you ask me? Well, let me tell you."

"Those two conflicts, they were, my healing from what happened in my previous relationship, and the second, wanting to let him enter my heart and heal me, because yes, I fell in love with him, but my heart wasn't allowing him to choose him, because I was somehow stuck to the past, and the fact I was still a mess outside and inside, so obviously I was fighting my emotions and feelings I had for this boy."

"Somewhere, I was hoping, and to be honest, I know this boy was the key to my mere existence, he understands me, he listens to me without judging, we can be childish and the second after we could talk about something deep. And the way he looked at me, wow, his beautiful brown eyes, they never told a lie once. That's why I love him, his tenderness and kindness got the shell I did for me weakening, and the fight was getting harder, cause I knew inside that he was the one... So I chose to give him a chance and see where it goes, and if something was started to be wrong, I could detach myself from him without any consequences."

"But the thing I did not know is that he already possessed my heart, and at this point fighting was not an option anymore, so I gave up and let myself in his arms and... this was the most magical thing I have ever experienced and eventually, I said yes."

"For the first time, after a long time, I was able to feel pure love, that love that someone possesses to someone else, I was free to open myself, he allowed me to share my true color with him without even trying to force myself, and without fearing his judgment, and for the first time, I also cried in front of someone, at least it was not the first time, but the way I cried was a positive crying, he was and still is like a white knight protecting his queen, he allows me to be the person I want, he encourages me, he is supportive, and respects all my choices, and respects my dreams and wishes, and more importantly, he respects my body..."

"His true self was also revealed, but to my surprise, I was shocked to see that actually nothing in him changed, he was open and friendly at the start, he said like I mentioned previously not interested in Sexual activity and when we got together, he stayed true to what he said... and never tried to do something weird, and always made sure I'm safe, he cares about me like I wished my parents cared about me, he makes the little girl inside me so happy, and I'm able to laugh, cry, scream, be sad, be angry, be depressed, and he continues to stay with me, just like he promised me."

"I am so happy, right now, letting him the chance was, I must say, the most intelligent choice I made in my entire life, of course, after the choice to leave my parents."

"My wish? Well, to be with him forever, go travel around the world with him... I wish to be free with him! Do what our love tells us to do, and to finally heal all the traumas I have and even after that, growing old, and dying from natural aspects, while being in his arms, and even after death, I wish to be with him for eternity. Those are my biggest wishes."

I love you so much, Aurelius, thank you for making my life as happy as it is when you are around.

And thanks... to myself for allowing me that happiness and not have lived in the shadow of my past...