Angelic || Adam x Lute

Chapter 16.

Adam's POV:

I felt like a piece of crap.

Lute was crying in my arms as I held her tightly against my body. Her eyes were bloodshot, her hair messy, and her cheeks red and wet from the tears. I hated seeing her like this. I just wanted her to finally stop crying. But I can't help her.

What happened back then at her first extermination was never reported to any of the higher ups. Honestly I never even knew what really happened. I had asked the other exorcist, that I had found standing next to Lute, but she only said that Lute had been attacked. So naturally I didn't think it was a big deal. Lute is strong. She's my best girl after all.

But now that I know that it probably wasn't the 'attack' I thought it was. I feel absolutely awful.

Lute slowly parted from me and quickly wiped her tears. Her expression was the hard and cold one, that I am normally used to.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Adam."

She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes fixated on the ground. I wanted to pull her close again, hold her until she forgot all that had happened in the past. But what if I hurt her with that?

"No problem."

'No problem'? Really Adam? Damn you're so fucking stupid. At least try to be a bit more sensitive.

There was this weird silence filling the air. Neither one of us knew what to do now. I was scared of making her uncomfortable if I tried to touch her or invite her to my place, and she probably feels absolutely disgusting and just wants to move on.

"Do you need anything?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

"No, thank you, Adam. But I'm fine, really."

All I could do was shake my head. Obviously she wasn't fine, she had been crying her eyes out in my arms for the past minutes.

"Lute, I know you. Stop acting all tough and unbothered. You are my lieutenant. My best girl. Since years! Come on, you've helped me through countless shit. Why won't you let me help you? Fuck, okay, I know I'm not the best talker, and yeah I'm really shitty at consoling people but at least let me try. I've told you before how important you are to me, that hasn't changed one bit."

I pressed my lips together while taking a deep breath through my nose. Lute was still staring at the floor. I couldn't read her face, she showed no emotion. It was as if she wasn't there.

"If I had known what happened, I wouldn't have let it slide. But no one had informed me, which of course isn't an excuse. You just always seem so serious and strong and dedicated, which obviously you are, but I... I just didn't think anything like that could ever happen to you. Not to my best girl."

Still she was only quietly looking down on the ground.

"Remember the first time you slept over at mine? You fell asleep on me. When I saw you curled up under the blanket, sleeping peacefully, it was the first time I ever saw you so vulnerable."

She wasn't saying anything, but her lips were pressed together, and she was blinking repeatedly as if she was trying to not cry.

"I don't even know what I'm saying, but I am happy knowing you feel comfortable enough around me to let your guard fully down. Even after that shit happened to you."

I took another deep breath.

"You are so fucking special, and I think you don't even realize that, which is really stupid of you. Because, you know, I'm the first man so if I say someone is special, it's obviously true."

I mean duh, I'm the first man.
How could I make her understand otherwise? I felt like I was talking to a wall.

I held my hand out for her to grab, I could see her eyes shifting between mine and her own.