Katniss
"I still want to drown whenever you leave, please teach me gently how to breathe." -Birdy
It must be 1:00. It must be well past midnight when I finally rise from where I sit crouched in the bathroom.
I carefully unlatch the door and open it slowly and as quietly as possible, fearing waking Peeta up.
But he's not there; he's not in bed.
My heart speeds up, and I try to take deep breaths. He's downstairs. He's fine. I tell myself.And he is. He is downstairs. I pad down the stairs to find him awake, sitting on the couch in front of the fire. A flood of relief washes over me, but it diminishes when I see that he's been crying.
Oh no.He must not see or hear me standing at the bottom of the stairs, because he doesn't look at me.
I walk over slowly and sit down next to him.
"Hey." I say quietly.
"Hey." He says, still not looking at me.
"What are you, uh, what are you doing awake? It's really late." I ask.
"I could ask you the same." He replies."Couldn't sleep." I say.
"I guess that makes 2 of us," He says, "You were in bed?"
"Well, no," I say, "Not exactly."
He finally looks at me.
"Where were you, then?"
"I just kind of sat in the bathroom." I reply blandly.
"Oh." He says.
"Yeah."We're silent for what seems like hours, but it's only a few minutes. I fixate my eyes on the flames in the fire.
I can't take the silence. It fills every crack in my being and it just makes me feel so empty and uncomfortable.I regret what I said. I don't want to apologize, but I know it's the only way to repair the damage I caused.
I take a deep breath.
"Peeta, listen." I start.
"You're going to apologize. Don't." He says.
I'm taken aback for a moment.
"What?"
"Don't apologize. You don't need to." He says."Yes I do. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have exploded on you like that." I say.
"But you were right." He says.
"No, I wasn't." I reply.
He takes a shaky breath.
"You do know that I only worry about you because I love you, right? I don't worry about you because I think you're incapable. I worry about you because I love you, I worry about you because I care about you. You're the only one I have left, Katniss. I can't lose you." He says. His voice wavers."I know. I'm sorry, it was just sort of a spur of the moment thing. You know how I can be sometimes." I say.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"I just don't see how anyone could love me. I know you do, I just don't understand." I say."Not this again," He says, a hint of joking in his soft voice. But the joking dissipates as his eyes find mine, which are misty with tears.
I do not deserve to be loved when I constantly do this to people. The pain Peeta feels is all because of me."Do you need me to tell you why I love you?" He asks.
I mean to answer yes, but I can't get the word out. He proceeds anyway."I love you," He says, "Because of you. Everything about you. Ever since I was a little boy.
You're beautiful. I know you don't think so, and I know you think you're ugly and a mess, but that's not how I see you. I see your beauty, not just on the outside. I see the beauty in your laugh, and in your cries. I see your beauty in your strength. And I know you think you're weak sometimes, but you're not. There has never been a time where you were weak. Not once.I love your smile, I love your laugh, I love your tears, I love your eyes and your nose and your mouth, I love your hair and I love your skin and everything about you. I love you and everything that comes with you. I know you will never be able to see yourself the way I see you every day, but that doesn't stop me from seeing it. I don't care if I have to tell you every day why I love you. I just need you to know that I do."
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Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction
FanfictionThe Victory Tour? Over. The Quarter Quell? Over. Katniss's life? Over, as far as Peeta knows. Sure, the games may be over for Katniss and Peeta, but the real battle is only just beginning. The Rebels in District 13 managed to get 3 Victors out of th...