Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 62

Katniss

"I am free from all the things that took my friends. I will stand here until the end." -Marcus Foster

Standing together, we bid Johanna farewell. She's moving out. She's decided that she's better now, and that she doesn't need to stay with us anymore. It's been 5 years, after all. We're all older, now. My relapses have decreased in frequency. But when they come, they hit hard, leaving after affects that can last up to 2 days. Johanna's not moving far though, only across town to one of the new houses that Paylor had built. It's probably good for her.

She picks up her stuff and leaves. It's only Peeta and I, now. The house feels somewhat empty, but I'm grateful for it. My stomach churns at the thought of children running around this house of ours.
Peeta and I are always extra careful when we do that. We both know that any mistakes could be bad. Really bad, right now.
Not yet. I think to myself. Maybe we'll be ready later.

I know Peeta's ready, but it's taking me longer. The thought of a child in me makes me shudder.
I push that out of my mind and focus on Peeta.

He walks into the kitchen and I hear him clambering around, searching for a frying pan. He starts the stove and I hear him crack an egg and place it into the sizzling pan.

I come into the kitchen.
"Here," I say, "Let me help."
"Katniss." He says, laughing.
"It's been 5 years, Peeta, I can try my hand at it." I reply.
"Okay, here, let me teach you." He says.
"Take ahold of the panhandle." He instructs. I do as he says.

I feel him close behind me. He puts his hand on mine, guiding me through the process.
"This cooking thing is hard." I say, wiping my forehead. He smiles.
"Sometimes. But it's worth it once you get the food."

I end up giving up, so he finishes it. He serves me a plate of eggs and a cup of juice and sits down next to me.
"How are you?" He asks.
"Fine." I say.
"How did you sleep? Any bad dreams?" He asks.
"Nope. I haven't dreamt a thing since I got that medicine." I reply.

Doctor Aurelius prescribed me some fancy medicine, phamexal, last week after a relapse from a nightmare got me stuck in 12's new hospital for 2 days. It wards away dreams. Although it's good I don't get any nightmares, I also don't see my sister in my dreams anymore. That's the worst part.

--

Sleep. To many, it's a peaceful state of resting. To me, it's a state of vulnerability and loss of control. While others dream of paradise, I dream of hell. While others dream of life, I dream of loss. While others dream of laughter, I dream of screams.

I drag myself up the stairs and into bed. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I didn't take my medicine. I know the risks; the nightmares, the relapses, the pain. But I'm too tired and any motivation is crushed by exhaustion. Maybe this time my dreams will be good. Maybe this time I won't wake screaming.

I fall asleep rather quickly.

When I find myself in the forest, I know that my miracle has happened. It's not a bad dream. I sit down on a fallen tree, waiting for something to happen. Someone taps me on the shoulder.
"Hey, Prim." I say, turning around. There she is.

But something's different. I can tell something must be wrong. Her face is ashen and her eyes look like they've been crying too much for being in a "painless" place.
"Katniss..." She says.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask, trying unsuccessfully to hide my panic.
"Katniss..." She repeats. She's hiding something. I know it.

"Tell me." I say, pulling her down to sit next to me.
She shakes her head.
"Prim, tell me." I repeat.
"Katniss... I want to. I want to but I can't. I literally can't do it." She says.
"Yes you can. You can tell me anything, remember?" I say.
"No, I really can't. It's against the rules. I can't tell you what's happening." She says, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Prim, you're crying." I say.
"And?"
"And you said you were somewhere painless. You cry because of pain." I say, worrying.