Sophomore soliloquies

Part 39: Titanic

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1:42 pm
Anxiety

My stomach hurts like something's wrong but it might just be period cramps
My stomach hurts like something's going on but it might just be butterflies unable to fly

My stomach hurts like impending doom like anxiety of the world ending not even before noon
Or maybe it's cause I restarted my adhd meds too soon
Gotta get that work done
But wanna drink in the saloon
To sink the anxiety, to silence the butterflies
Till they rise with the acid
Bubbling into a prize
Eyes of the wise watch my demise in sanity
Spiraling off
A working trance
Let me know 24 hours in advance
Because impending rushes
Worry me
Answering emails promptly
The unknown is running crashing into me
Finals and deadlines foaming
Waves crash and sting my skin
My heart is pounding
Sitting still silence absorbing in
Spin the engine round and round
A cog in a machine
Existentially I can't wind down
Fuzzy socks feel like sand paper
And water goes down faster than cream cheese and capers
On bagels in the Chabad house
I never go but won't denounce
Neighbors judge my religion when their antisemitic themselves
The world is crazy
They've all gone wild and these are worries I keep to myself
Bubbling up in my reflux
I sit and watch the world go round
From the couch
In my sorority house
Sisters come and go
Different shoes and different news and I don't know where to go
What's got me reeling
With this feeling that something's coming soon
Is this my sixth sense bubbling up
Will the world end before noon?

Or maybe

I just had to pee

And That's the problem with being a little psychic and
Having anxiety
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2:25 4/19/2024

Between

I can feel you in the wind chimes
I can see you in the streets
I can hear you in the music
Speaking to me
I can see you in my glasses
Under a shady tree
Cause I can feel you in the moments
Between.

Light like a feather
I stepped on today
Your hugs goodbye
You left and I stayed

Fast like a comet across the sky
For a moment no time
Passed us by

And flash like lightning
We heard the news
And a crash in moments
You were gone too soon

And I realized you were someone I barely knew
And now I'm regretting lost time with you

I can feel you in the wind chimes
I can see you in the streets
hear you in the music
Speaking to me
I can see you in my glasses
Under a shady tree
Cause I can feel you in the moments

Between.

We'd said that we'd start a band,  and built castles in sand

We said you'd save the world
We knew you could lend a hand

We said you'd hit the jackpot, wondering why
discovering the cure for any cut in time
with nano bots

And your father was so proud
Your mother was so proud
I wore her shirt last night as I listened to the sound
Your fathers favorite band
I had tequila in my hand and I should've  poured one out cause your plane forgot to land

And across the stage alone in the stands
I swear he spoke to me
Eyes met at a glance
Per chance
I wish my aunt and uncle and my cousins could've come with me
To see
their favorite band
Bruce and E street
But it was just me

But it was just. Me.

And the between

In a concert that I didn't want to leave
Cause then life would start again
Because then I'd truly have to see

Times run out

To exist in the between.
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