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2/7/2024 11:13pm
I'm tired
I'm tired.
Tired of the way you treat me
I'm angry
angry that you rope me into your calls
I'm guilty
Of playing into your little games of persuasion
And I'm passively stewing through it all
I'm claiming
That nothing affects me
While your shaming
Every single part of me
Well honestly
Saving myself is going to cost you my mental health
and without yelping from the trees and insecurities how else can I walk through my own shadow to cross into the light
I'm angry at your phone call
I'm petty for the night
so naming all of what you make me feel I hope will be alright
A step to take back full control
To fight for my own life
How can a mother do this
I see no way no how
Yet here I am going through it
Great performance and like a doormat I bow.
Or a highly paid actor forcing themselves through a show with the flue
Your the dictator pulling all the strings
So why do I still find myself bowing to you
Alone with no applause
I pull out tricks and gossip to see what it may cause
But in the end a deeper hole I've dug to climb out of
Yes in the end I know for you
I'll never me good enough
Mom.
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2/10/2024 6:10pm
Sea
Captain Jack sparrow
Pulling on my mind again
In a blue loose blouse
And a face 10/10
There's just something about your smile
And the distance between us
Captain Jack sparrow you never talk that much
So mysterious it comes off as shy
So detached from the world never questioning why
A slow burn long distance never fulfilled crush
Captain Jack sparrow
Makes my heart rush
Although it's cheesy I think of us two
Dancing through the night in a ball gown and suit. A hopeless romantic as I tend to be, and a tall shy captain only looking towards the seas.
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12/14/2024
Valentines
Valentines
Galentines
Telling myself it's me lentines
On the phone with my friends boyfriend. Twisting knives into my back untill the blood splatters on the floor
I can't ignore
the splotches
I can't ignore
the wills
I can't ignore the wanting that drives a person to beg and drill
into themselves that they don't seek what they do
A red herring is red for a reason it burns and surprises you
in every flap of its wings
Fly.
Soul mates
And stuff like that.
It was 444 on the clock when I said I wouldn't settle for scat
I'm grasping at straws yet I still get stares and awes when I say I'm not looking when I say I don't care.
What is in my demeanor that lets off this aura this air.
Is it desperation
Is it self love
Is it past lives or dreams that I've kept
close
Why are they all so surprised.
When I say I'm searching for a soul who will love me the most.
YOU ARE READING
Sophomore soliloquies
PoetryIf you've ever felt burdened by being a sophomore in college your not alone. I'm writing these and posting them as I go along. So we can feel less alone together, in a complicated world, within a song. Please feel free to comment, critique, or ask...
