Love Bites!

To Be With You (13)

Because I love you. And, a small part of me is still afraid if I'll be able to become someone who can bring you happiness. But, I know & understand that those are just my insecurities trying to drag me back to the dark. And, I don't want to stay there anymore. I want to stay with you. I want to be with you! Every moment, every day! And, I'll try my best to become a man who you'll be proud of! - Neil had wanted to say. 

N - Oh! I, uh, I thought, uh-

A - I should leave, Neil. I'm getting late! - she swallowed back the acrid taste that filled her mouth as she tried to blink back the tears that were ready for a free fall now. Snatching her hand back from his hold, she walked away from him.

And just like that the sky was grey again. Pitch black actually! Neil's tears mixed with the rain droplets that fell on his face & descended down the side of his cheeks as he watched her leaving. 

Koi ishq dilasa deke,

Ek ilmm zara sa dede!

Woh jo mera tha,

Mujhe hi kyun milta hi nhi ?

________________

Kabir was now sick worried at the way his friend was so dead silent. The girl could not shut up for a second, for her own sake!  And here she wasn't uttering a single word even when he tried so hard to get her to talk. 

K - Avni, is everything okay? - he finally asked.

A - Yeah! - she answered while flipping the pages of her textbook.

K - Why don't you just tell Neil that you love him? I'm sure he loves you back, Av! - Kabir had had enough of the erry silence. 

A - My love is not what he needs right now! - she sighed as she rubbed her face with her palms. He needs to start loving himself first. More than a lover, he needs a friend. And I'm willing to be that friend. Kabir, I don't think he is still over his past, & I don't want him to rush into things with me. - her voice thickened. For him to actually move on from his past, he needs to free himself from this spiral of self-hate & self-loathing. He needs to work on his confidence. And, if we start a relationship at this point, bahut added pressure ho jayega uske liye! Woh mujhse pyaar karne se jyada compensate karega apne past ke liye! - she voiced her concerns finally. Her chest feeling tightened with every passing second. Usse lagta hai ki he is some bad omen jo logon ki life khrab kar deta hai, I don't know main usko yeh kaise samjhaun ki uske jitna precious koi aur hai hi nhi! - her voiced wavered with the thick emotions lacing them. I can not force him to start something new when he is still struggling with the old wounds! - Avni wanted to cry at that point. She didn't know if she wanted to hide away from Neil or, if she wanted to hug him tight & never let go!

K - But what about you, Avni? Do you think it is easy to act like you don't love him, and what you've between you two is just some platonic friendship? Tu kar payegi? - he was beyond worried now.

A - It's not easy, I know! Par main toh usse tab bhi pyaar krne ko ready thi na agar woh kabhi reciprocate nhi karta toh! Abhi toh mujhe bas wait karna hai uska! I'll do it. - her voice cracked but there was sense of determination in her eyes. Agar woh mujhse kahe ke woh mujhse kabhi bhi pyaar nhi kar payega, toh bhi main sirf usse hi pyaar karungi, Kabir! And, love doesn't always mean to be together, sometimes, it means to set your beloved free so that they can find their own footings! Kabhi toh woh mujhe mil hi jayega. Not today, not tomorrow, par kabhi toh! - she mustered up a smile at him as she blinked back the tears from her swollen red eyes & her throat swallowed down the lump of emotions.