Random Barnaby Oneshots (A Wattpad Fanfiction)

College Headmaster Barnaby AU

-For starters, he would accept both living and dead students, but he would tell the living that graduation involves killing living graduates as debt relief. So, if you got a pulse, he would immediately pardon your debt... for a low price of ending your life. Very kind, eh?

-Don't ever play Cards Against Humanity around Barnaby if you can avoid it. It wouldn't end well. A group of college students did that once. He snuck up on them and scared the crap out of everyone. Same rule applies to any games that are labeled for adults.

-He'd be pretty lax about curfew, but if you have a party that's too loud by his standards, he will show up and shut it down. How he did it is usually scaring the crap out of living students and chasing them back into their dorms. If you were to make the mistake of being too slow, let's just say your debt is immediately pardoned with a knife. And... that is where being in top shape really comes in handy and being a track runner.

-You're LGBTQ+? Great! So is he as an asexual, genderfluid and homoromantic (but he would never tell you)! He will still kill you regardless of if you got a pulse.

-If you are a jerk... start planning your funeral. And God save you if you are stuck up your high horse or try pulling any homophobic crap. So if you are bigoted... you better start planning your funeral ASAP if you are stuck with Barnaby as a teacher.

-He does NOT take any prisoners. So don't bully people in front of him or try any gaslighting crap. He is a lot smarter than what he gives credit for. He is the least judgmental, so therefore you have a low risk of bias of any sort.

- Most living people attending Barnaby's college will bail before graduation. And go to drastic lengths to avoid getting ID'd as someone who avoided paying debt (such as plastic surgery in drastic cases). None dared become famous since that might clue him in. 

- For the love of God, DON'T TRY TO PULL AN ALL NIGHTER! He will be a royal pain in the butt to get you to bed.

This is just a goofy AU and not canon at all to either the game or the lore of this oneshot book. But holy crap. Seven thousand views? Man, you must be just as excited as I am!