I Let Love In

Chapter VI: Stop Your Sobbing

Packing winter clothes is the worst.

Packing winter clothes for a trip lasting a couple months is diabolical. 

My biceps had biceps before I was finished. Jumpers of all colours refused to be contained in my suitcase, their protruding sleeves waving at me. Radioactive green aloe vera looked vastly out of place. But ever since I worked in the garden much longer than intended last month, it was essential. A black blanket lay folded up neatly by my trainers and my fluffiest pillow. 

I looked longingly at my pile of shorts, tank tops, and cozzies abandoned on the carpet.

Maybe next time...

Look, I'm an autumn girl at heart. But if I'm going to be cold I'd rather just stay at home with a good cup of tea and a long book. Instead of packing an entire charity shop to go abroad.

That being said....I don't have to keep up with shaving every other day....

I packed a few extra pairs of jeans. Just in case. 

Debating over whether to bring my mint toothpaste or my bubblegum toothpaste, I jumped when Mum called me. 

"Hannah, telephone!" 

Throwing both in my bag I raced to the phone almost dropping it. 

"Take it easy!" Mum chided as she sliced some homemade bread. I'd have to snatch a piece after my call. 

I tried to casually catch my breath. "Hello?"

Nothing.

I tried again. "Hello?"

Let's just say I almost dropped the phone again when I heard the car alarm.

"Hannah? Hannah? Sorry! I'm sorry, I bumped the car with my hip!" I heard Maude on the other end apologising and some kind of crinkling. "I'm too much woman for this car to take!"

Stifling a laugh to avoid my mum's suspicious glare, I coughed and turned to face the wall. "What are you doing outside?"

"I'm at my sister's house at the minute," she responded with her mouth full. I heard more crinkling. "Her telephone is right by the front door. I had to call my best friend and make sure there was enough petrol to get me to the airport at the same time. Mm!" More crinkling. "And eat this yummy as fuck lobster sandwich." My stomach growled. I sneaked a glance at the crumbly bread behind me. "I'm sorry, Hanny, am I interrupting?"

"No! No, of course not. I was just packing."

"You waited until last minute too? I just finished this morning. Not to mention my beautiful cats took it upon themselves to cover my entire wardrobe in fur and knead my jumpers!" I laughed again. Mum started putting the bread slices in aluminium wrapping. An image of Maude's fluffy cat in a loaf on her jumper came to mind. Some time during the fantasy the fresh bread loaf became the cat's body and I snapped out of it before my stomach growled again. "I just called again to make sure you were up to this. I know it's a big trip and all."

I moved the phone to my other ear. "Yeah, of course I want to." My palms swiped at the legs of my jeans. 

"You're sure? And listen, I don't want to make you feel like a third wheel either."

"No, I want to see you!" Was she mad? I wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to see my best friend who lived an entire country away! 

Not to mention Big Ben.

"And I want to see you!" More crinkling. Her next words were a bit muffled. "And I'll tell Brett that I want to spend ample time with you, okay? If I start ignoring you for him you let me know."

I smiled. "You spend as much time with Brett as you want, I'll live."

"Nonsense!" I heard the door slam closed. "Uh oh, kids are coming. I'll see you in London, okay?" Her gentle voice was reassuring. 

"I'll see you."

"Bye, my Hanny."

"Bye, Maudie." I hung up. Mum had just wrapped up the last piece of bread and set it aside.

"You excited to see your friend?" she asked with a sigh. I could only nod my head. Something about her made me not want to speak. "It'll be a lot busier here without you to help."

I stayed quiet. 

"Hopefully you won't forget to call like last time," she said. "Or stay longer than you intend to."

Guilt wracked my body and before I could stop I blurted out my defense. "Hopefully you won't give my room away again," I said. I could have slapped myself. I had no right getting upset about that. 

I have no right to get upset about anything...

"Give your room away?" Mum asked in disbelief. "When have I ever done that?"

"Last time I was gone, you gave my room to my sister," I reminded her. And added a bit too spitefully, "Instead of using the available guest room."

Mum laughed incredulously. "I didn't give your room away," she said mockingly. "I only let her use it because I didn't want her sleeping on the couch." My stomach growled but the bread didn't seem so appetising anymore. "You act like everything we do is against you."

"It wasn't against me but it still bothered me," I said raising my voice a little, but attempting to maintain decorum. "I don't want anyone seeing my room because I know what they'll say and I feel bad enough about it already. But you never seem to care about that."

She scoffed with a smile on her face. "That's not true! Maybe if you weren't such a slob we wouldn't have to comment on how messy your room is." She grabbed the makeshift package of bread and put it in the fridge. "You're too sensitive, how will you ever get through life the way you are? Go on, I've got to call your brother."

I left the room without another word. Turns out I'd rather faint than eat that bread.