Let's Recelebrate - Book 2 (a Joshler story)

♡ CCXXII ♡

"'Cause I just- just... don't wanna invite them", Josh softly said. Lucas hummed softly, caressing Josh's curls gently. He didn't wanna keep pressing on if Josh clearly didn't wanna talk about it, so he remained quiet. Then, Josh spoke up softly.

"...Luke?" He asked. "Yeah baby?" Lucas asked, his eyes on the movie that played on the screen. "...Have you uh... ever done something you- you regret and- and you wished you could've done differently if you had the chance?" He asked. Lucas thought about it, quiet for a while as he did. He nodded, his fingers still moving through Josh's curls.

"Yeah, there's one moment I always wished I did differently. The way I broke up with Tyler", he said. That made Lucas look up. "Wh- what do you mean? You guys are still soulmates, how did- how did you do that wrong?" He asked.

"Well", Lucas sighed softly. "I uh... Tyler was recovering from his eating disorder still. Just got out of the recovery center and went on tour. I was angry with him for not staying home and recovering but going back to work immediately. I mean, I didn't yell at him or anything, I guess I wasn't angry, but I was... upset, and frustrated. He didn't really communicate with me at all, I found out that he was going on tour after it was planned and posted on his social medias because he didn't tell me. Tyler was, like, exceptionally bad at communicating at the time", he said with a chuckle. "He told me I could've found out sooner if I had checked twitter, as if I wasn't his boyfriend and partner at the time. Anyways..." he trailed.

"Tyler went on tour and I didn't go with him because I couldn't, because of work. Plus, it was... a principle thing, y'know? He didn't tell me about the tour, the plans, when he'd leave or for how long. He just... planned it. And that was extremely frustrating. So I refused to go because I didn't think he treated me well at the time", Lucas said. "The tour came along and Tyler and I would argue over the phone every time. He ignored me so many times, once even for three damn days straight", Lucas said. "So I... started thinking, started really thinking through what the hell we were doing, what it meant, if this was the best for us and how we were ever gonna be able to sacrifice so much of ourselves for each other. I uh... don't regret the things I did up until that point, by the way", he said. "I think I did what was best for us, I made the right decision eventually. But... As I was thinking all of this through, I met up with a friend at the time. We talked, I expressed some of my frustrations but never about Tyler's eating disorder or anything like that. I always kept that private. Just... about the lack of communication, and about how different my dreams were from his", he said.

"Turned out that friend was into me and he kissed me", Lucas said. "And I pushed him away when he did, because I had Tyler. He was my boyfriend. I was not ever gonna cheat on Tyler", he said. "Told that friend that he couldn't do that because I was in a relationship. Then a week or so later we met up again, and he did the same thing... kissed me, I pushed him off, made him leave", Lucas said. "But I knew that guy wanted similar things to what I wanted... much more in line with what I wanted than what Tyler wanted", he said.

"So because of that, I... came to the conclusion that I should break up with Tyler", he said. "Which is what I did the moment he came home from tour because I didn't wanna pretend to be a happy couple for a few days and then break up. But I also wanted to do it face to face and not over the phone, because Tyler deserved that. ...but then, while I broke up with him, I told him about the guy and how he kissed me. Wanted to be honest, I don't regret that", he said.

"But I told Tyler in that moment that I had feelings for that guy too, that I... wished I hadn't had to push him away because I wanted to kiss him, because I wasn't in love with Tyler anymore the way I used to, and I felt things for this guy", he said.

"...really?" Josh softly asked as he looked up at Lucas. Lucas nodded. "Yeah", he whispered softly. "Uhm... I shouldn't have done that", he stated. "I regret doing that. I... shouldn't have told Tyler in that moment that I felt things for the guy which is the reason why I wanted to break up, because... the guy wasn't the reason for the break up. The reason were our different dreams. The guy had nothing to do with the true reason why I was breaking up with Tyler, but the way I worded it... made it seem like it was. I didn't mean for that to happen, but... that happened", he said.