Philophobia - Narry

Chapter Two.

"You're such an idiot" Harry says and laughs out loud and Niall does so. They are on the roof again, it's been three weeks now and they have met there every single day after the therapy. Even though at first Niall didn't want to, he always found himself up there looking for that boy. They get to know each other, Harry is eighteen, a year younger than Niall, and he has a sister older than him, he lives with his mother because of the incident. The incident, Harry is always mentioning it but he never says what it really is, and Niall doesn't bother to ask him what it is, and doesn't say anything about his illness. This time they are talking no sense things, funny things, anecdotes… And they are laughing, and it's been a long time since Niall had laughed like this. They stop laughing but they both have a smile on their faces. Niall stares at Harry, he is smoking and Niall contemplates how she holds the cigarette and take it to his mouth. And then Niall feels a heavy weight on his chest.

"What are you looking at?" Harry asks smiling at Niall.

Niall shakes his head "If you keep smoking like that you'll get cancer or something"

"Stop talking like my mom" Harry says and chuckles. Niall looks at his watch, maybe he should go home.

"I have to go, it's getting late" Niall says. Harry looks at his watch.

"Yeah, could you take me home?" He says as he throws the cigarette to the floor. Niall hesitates. What should he do? No, he can't, sounds stupid but he is not ready. He only have talked to Harry when they are on the roof, they have never talked out of there. Niall only takes this as a time to relax after therapy, not a friendship or anything, he already has the number of friends complete. 

Niall simply stands there in silence, thinking what he should do.

"It's okay, I'll go walking" Harry says giving him a half smile before he starts walking towards the roof's door. 

"No Harry, wait" Niall says and Harry stops and turns around "I'll take you home" 

                                                                       ***

The drive is a bit awkward. They both stay in silence and Niall decides to turn on the radio to do the situation less awkward. Harry sings along a few times, almost whispering, but Niall can hear it, and it sounds really good. Harry gives Niall the direction and they finally arrive. Niall parks in front of Harry's house.

"Thanks" Harry says taking off the seatbelt.

"You're welcome" Niall answers.

"I guess I'll see you next week" Harry says and smiles.

"Yeah, I guess" Niall simply shrugs.

Harry nods and gets off of the car waving and Niall. And Niall starts driving and disappears down the street.

                                                                       ***

Alarm clock. That's all Niall can hear. He turns it off and gets up from bed. Today he has to go to therapy, which is a crap, but he'll see Harry, which is great. He tries not to think about it. He takes a quick shower and he puts on his black jeans, a basic shirt and a purple hood. He goes downstairs and doesn't even take anything to eat he just gets on the car and starts to drive.

He arrives and enters the building. Niall sits at the waiting room and minutes later he sees Harry exiting.

"See you later" Harry whispers and smiles and Niall smiles back before entering the room.

"Hello Niall, sit down please" Mrs. Reagan says and Niall sits "Anything you want to tell me? Any progress?"

"Well…" Niall hesitates for a moment, should he talk to her about Harry? "I've been talking to a boy"

"Really?" she says as she writes something on his notebook.

"Yes, but… I'm really scared" he admits. "I mean, why I can't be happy? Why can I meet a nice boy and talk to him without feeling like shit?" he's about to cry, is the first time he's like that in front of someone, so vulnerable, he won't let Mrs. Reagan see him like that "I have to go" he gets up and leaves the room hearing Mrs. Reagan say something but he just ignores him. He goes to the roof, and Harry is already there, sitting on the floor. Harry turns around and smiles at Niall but his smile falls instantly when he sees Niall is crying and that is the moment Niall realizes he's actually crying. Harry gets up and walks towards Niall.

"Are you okay?" he asks sweetly and Niall shakes his head. And then Harry grabs Niall by his waist tightly, his arms pressing him firmly against him. Harry is hugging Niall, and Niall hugs him back, but that's when Niall starts to get dizzy and he realizes is because he is not breathing, he can hear his irregular heartbeat on his chest and his ears, and he is sweating. He knows whats happening and he pushes away from Harry's embrace.

"What's wrong?" Harry asks confused.

"Me" is all Niall says and starts crying even more and Harry doesn't know what to do.

                                                                       ***

When Niall calmed down he explained everything to Harry. How he couldn't love people, how he couldn't let people love him, how he would run away if they did. How unhappy he was. And Harry just sat there listening to Niall and watching how the blonde lad cried. 

"I didn't know that could exists" Harry finally says "I mean, it's weird, you can't love"

"Well, it's not like I don't have feelings, I'm attracted to people but if they really like me I start to panic"

There is a silence. Harry is thinking, Niall can tell that.

"What would happen if I kiss you, like right now?" Harry asks and Niall looks at him surprised. Is he serious, is he going to kiss him? Because then Niall would jump off the roof if he did. And, is he gay? Niall wasn't expecting that. He starts to feel nervous and his hands start sweating.

"I-I think I'd probably jump off the roof or something" Niall jokes and let out a small laugh, even though he was considering this possibility.

"Hey I'm not as bad kisser" Harry jokes too. Harry sees how Niall is getting nervous and is sweating "calm down, I'm not going to kiss you" And Niall lets out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, I didn't know it affects you like that"

"Don't worry" Niall shrugs.

                                                                       ***

Moths passed and everything was fine. The boys still meeting on the roof and the talked for hours. They had become really good friends. Harry hadn't told Niall anything about his life, like why he was going to therapy, but Niall didn't mind it at all. Everything was pretty fine, until that day.

"I was thinking…" Harry starts as the both lay on the floor of the roof "maybe we could hang out sometime, I mean, not in the roof, in your house or mine, or wherever you want I don't mind"

Niall gulped, he doesn't know what to say. He was scared. Every time he thought about Harry was like he was a kind of therapy, someone you can talk to and he will listen and vice versabut lately every time he thinks about Harry he feels scared and now Harry saying that wasn't helping.

"Yeah, maybe we could" Niall answers, his voice trembling and it seems that Harry notices that.

"Niall, we don't have to if you're not ready, but I just want you as a friend, you know that right?" Niall feel a bit relieve and hurt at the same time and it's so confusing.

"Yeah yeah" Niall says, and there's a silence "When and where?" Niall finally says more convinced this time and Harry looks at him and smiles and Niall does so.