Forty-Eight

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⚠️ Eating disorder and drug use ⚠️

September 26th, Thursday 2024
Beyoncé Knowles
11:00 am

"Do I look good?" Levi asks me as he adjusts his hoodie

"You look great, why are you stressing out what's up?" I ask him

"I'm just feeling really awkward today." He explains

"Why, what's up?" I question before patting the empty space on my bed

He bites his lip before plopping down on my bed.

"What's going on?" I ask while playing with his curls

"I'm feeling really bad dysphoria right now." He explains

Megan and I did our research once Levi came out to us. Gender dysphoria is when you feel extreme discomfort or distress because you perceive yourself a different way than your biological sex is. We are trying to learn everything we can so we can raise our transgender child well. We are obviously going to treat him the same way we would treat any of our other kids but it takes more research for him.

"Okay talk to me." I tell him

"What do you mean?" He asks

"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours" I say before playfully nudging him

"I hate my voice. It's so squeaky, annoying and feminine and gross" He explains

"I think your voice sounds pretty manly" I tell him

His eyes lighten up and a wide smile forms on his face. Seeing the joy on his face warms my heart, I'd do anything to affirm my baby boy.

"Really?" He asks me

"Really." I rasp out while resting my hand on his cheek

"This is going to sound really freaking lame but can you sing to me? Your voice calms me down and I..I'm stressing real bad right now, I'm sorry I-" He was about to rant but I cut him off

"Come here baby boy." I mutter before opening my arms widely

He immediately falls into my arms and I lay down so he's resting on my chest.

"What do you want me to sing?" I ask in a soft tone

"It doesn't matter." He tells me

"And I will lead you down that road if you lose your way, mm-hmm. I will be your projector." I softly sing into his ear as I rock back in forth similar to how I would do with Sir and Rumi when they were younger

I continue to sing my song "Protector" to him. I wrote this song about all of my children because they are my everything. I feel heart beat slow down, back to the normal rate. I kiss his forehead once I finish singing.

"Thank you mom" He whispers to me

"Always." I respond while hugging him tightly

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