i can't want you (i'm taking you anyway)

part 15

Taylor's POV

"Mommy duck!"

"Yes baby." I murmured, only half paying attention to the picture Ronan was stabbing her finger at. She was sitting on the kitchen counter while I cooked - something Drew hated but I let her do whenever he wasn't home - reading a picture book and pointing things out to me. But I was distracted. I couldn't stop thinking about Travis, the way he'd looked when he'd walked out.

I couldn't believe he'd done that. He hadn't even pushed me a single fraction on it. He'd just seen the look on my face and given up knowing his daughter so I could be happy. But I wasn't happy. I felt absolutely terrible. Ronan would grow up to hate me if she knew I'd lied to her about who her dad was, and then she'd hate me even more if she found out he'd come back and I'd driven him away. 

"I'm sorry baby." I stroked Ronan's hair. "I'm sorry I couldn't make this perfect on the first try." How could I lie to her? I'd lied to Drew for over two years, but this was different. This was my baby, my daughter. I had to be honest with her. "Oh god." I sighed. "Okay."

I had to tell Drew. I had to talk to Travis. Maybe we could work something out.

But when Drew came home, I completely lost my nerve. I tried again, and again, and again for a week, and I chickened out over and over again. It killed me, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. 

On Friday night, once I'd put Ronan to sleep, I sucked in a deep breath and walked out to where Drew was watching TV. I had to do it. Just get it over with.

"Honey, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked tentatively, sitting down next to him. Not as close as I normally would have sat; he'd probably want space for this. Drew reached forwards, muting the TV and looking over at me. 

"What's up babe?" He laughed. "You look nervous. Did you cheat on me or something?"

"No." I mumbled. Worse. So much worse. "Look, there's something you should know about Ronan."

"What?" Drew sat up straighter, paid a little more attention. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine." I nodded. "It's about when I was pregnant with her." Drew nodded as I swallowed, forcing the words to come spilling out before I backtracked. "Ronan, she's, she's not yours Drew." I whispered. "I was pregnant before I met you, only just. But when I told you I was, you assumed she was yours before I had a chance to correct you and so...I....I never did."

Drew just stared at me. I couldn't pick out his expression. Hurt, anger, resentment, betrayal, disbelief. They all flashed by in a half second, never settling on one. I waited, twisting my hands together in my lap as the silence stretched on and on.

"So...if I'm not her father, who is?" Drew eventually asked.

"Travis." I whispered. "Him and I....we were together before I came here." He nodded slowly.

"So." His eyes locked on mine. He was angry. "You lied to me, for two and a half fucking years?" I flinched as he snapped, pressing my lips together. 

"I'm sorry." I said. "I'm so sorry. But I thought..."

"What? You thought what?" Drew rose to his feet. "You thought I'd understand? You fucking lied to me Taylor! About the daughter I thought was mine!"

"I know, but Drew..." I stood up, pleading with him. "I was scared, and you were there for me. I wasn't thinking. All I wanted was a safe and stable home for her."

"Well no fucking shit you weren't thinking!" Drew shook his head. "What now huh? That asshole just gets to walk back into her life and push me aside because he's her real dad?" My silence told me all he needed to know. I couldn't deny his accusation. It wasn't entirely true, but I couldn't. "Fuck Taylor." Drew shook his head again. "You're a real piece of fucking work."