BELONGING TO THEM (MMF)

Chapter 22: Personal Doubts

I wake up at around 5:30 pm. I look at both the boys sleeping quietly and feel blessed, but at some corner of my mind is a dread that I am putting them in danger by being around them. Furthermore, I do know that the agency will do everything to keep them safe, but there is a nagging feeling if, if I wasn't there they would be safer. And the fact that once they sign the NDA, they will enter this dangerous world that they ought to be unknown to.
I am staring at the wall when I am broken out of my reverie by Xand.

"What are you thinking so deeply about Cel?"

"Oh nothing. It's nothing Xand just some thoughts." I say, avoiding eye contact and trying to remove those bad thoughts from my mind.

"It's not nothing my vixen. Clearly something is bothering you." Leon says waking up.
"Yeah, tell us you can talk to us, you know that don't you?" Xand says.

"It's just that I am thinking of leaving you both. My thoughts are awry right now. After what happened yesterday, I am afraid that I am putting you all in danger. Being with Aaron was no different since we both were from the same world, but you guys are not a part of this world and while I know that there will be people taking care of you 24/7 I just can't help feeling bad about it." I say to them.

"Why do you think so, Cel. You know we don't mind and are proud that you work for the army and for our safety. Also, we both love you a lot you know." Xand says hugging me.

"I don't work for the army, Xand. Working as an agent is way different. Let me tell you about my work. Normally, they don't allow us to tell the nature of our work to anyone, but I want you guys to know what you are getting involved in."

"You know, working in the agency is really different from the work of an army man. The moment I enter the agency, Lovette became my first identity and Celeste became the second. We are enrolled in the army just for show sake, the names on our tags are the name given by the agency. No one knows our real names except us. For the army, Finn will always be Aaron and I will always be Lovette. Even our deaths will be showcased as accidents to the world, and to the army it will be accidents in training. Deaths for agents are rare for this very reason, and we are trained like hell for this to be accomplished. The army uniform I wear is just for outer appearance, I will never truly be the part of the army, but will always be an agent in the shadows. Works that the army men don't do, we do by lurking in the shadows. From protection to assassination of threats, we do it." I take a breath to check their response.

"So what happens to the families of the dead? Will they ever know why and how their family members died?" Leon asks.

"Even for the family member, they die in a fight for the army. They are forced to sign an NDA that tells them to not tell anyone the nature of their work. For the world, either they die as a normal civilian or die in an army accident. Even then, they are not told that the family member died for the peace of the country in a mission."

"Is there only one agency, then how does all the assignments work?" Xand asks.

"There is one agency, but there are many groups. Aces is one of them, Dark Night and Hell troops are some others." I tell them.
"Well, there must be something to keep the families of the agents safe. Are there not?" Leon says.
"There is. The moment you enter my life, there will always be people following you to keep you safe. You won't notice them, and they change almost every day. But yes, they will keep you safe. You guys won't have an ounce of privacy of where you go or what you do, people will always follow you. But at the end you will be safe, even then I am scared that you guys might not be able to handle it. And there are the kids to take care of too. I am scared that something will happen to you guys. Now almost every one of my nightmare suddenly involve with you guys being tortured while I can't do anything to save you." I say to them, my heart aching.