To Be Determined

~~Chapter 19~~

I nodded matter of factly like that was going to solve everything. I at least hoped that it solved a lot of it. Maybe even made things better? I really needed to make sure I didn't lose this man. He was everything to me. Maybe this next conversation I would tell him that I love him? It wouldn't be a lie... I am head over heels for him.

Chan resigned to agreeing with me. He patted my shoulder softly and sighed.

"Just... don't do anything stupid... We have come too far to let something like this put a wrench in everything. I love you both... but please communicate and fix whatever is going on right now. For everyone's sake. They can all tell you guys are a little... disconnected right now."

I nodded and went to grab my stuff to head out.

"Thanks Chan... for always caring and being there for us... all of us."

He smiled proudly at me. He was really the best leader any of us could have asked for. I wouldn't trade him for the world and truly looked at him like my brother through all of this. He was our life line, as much as we were his.

Once I had my things gathered I headed back to the dorm, shooting a text to Jisung to let him know that I was headed back to the dorm. As I approached I was really surprised to see him standing out front of my door waiting for me. I tilted my head as I approached him. His eyes were glossy. Almost as if he had been crying? My heart instantly broke and my eyebrows furrowed.

"Sungie?"

His eyes shot up to mine, and he instantly burst into tears, throwing himself at me. He had wrapped his arms around my neck and in shock, I wrapped mine around his waist. I held him tight to my body. What was going on? What happened?

"Jisung..."

My voice was soft and a pressed feather light kisses to his neck. He sighed softly against my, now soaked, shoulder and then pulled back a little bit and looked into my eyes. I tilted my head at him and smiled softly. Trying to encourage him to speak. I knew it was hard for him to express himself to me sometimes, but I really needed him to get good with communication.

"I-I-I'm.... Scared?"

His voice was barely a whisper. I furrowed my eyebrows. Scared? What was he scared about? Us? I wasn't planning on ending our unspoken 'arrangement' that I was hoping was going to evolve from being just an arrangement and be more... like... partners... I searched his face a bit, hoping to be able to read a bit more, but he was unfortunately too worked up for me to see much in his eyes.

"About... what exactly? Us?"

Jisung had nodded a yes in response. I bit my lip and drew my eyebrows a bit tighter. He pulled back a bit and sighed softly, taking my hands in his own smaller ones. I didn't like the vibe here. I felt like this was something that wasn't going to go the way I wanted it to... and it made me extremely nervous...and I never get nervous.

"Minho...I think... I need some time away from you..."

My heart shattered almost instantly. My jaw hung slack a bit as I frantically searched his eyes again. They just reflected sadness. What? What?!?

"Ji? I thought we said we were going to talk more... why? What's going on? W-Wha?"

I felt tears start to prick at the back of my eyes. I wasn't an emotional man... but Jisung... he made me feel and act all kinds of different ways lately. I didn't want to lose him, and at this point, it felt like he was literally slipping through my fingers. I went to pull him tight to myself, afraid that he was going to walk out of my life. I know not necessarily literally, but to the extent that we would just be 'group mates' again.

He instantly pulled back. I gasped softly, the tears starting to slide down my cheeks. He was avoiding the eye contact that I so desperately wanted. I didn't even know what to say. When Jisung has his mind made up, it was made up...

"S-Sungie... please... let's just talk about everything."

"I can't right now, Minnie...I'm sorry."

He had leaned up quickly and kissed my cheek softly. Then stepped away, tears also streaming down his cheeks. He gave me one last glance as he headed back to his dorm. I literally felt like I just watched my life crumble in front of me. I glanced around to make sure no one else was looking, then quickly entered my dorm and hurried to my room. I slammed the door and ran my hands through my hair grasping it firmly. I didn't know what to do... I suddenly felt lost.... Empty...

I laid down on my bed after a few moments and then buried my face in my pillow and let out the loudest scream I could muster. If I was being honest, I didn't give a fuck who heard me at this point. I was heartbroken.