Lucid Percussions

nspkbl (a list of dysfunctions)

the grief finds me never always
It's like a skull beneath the flesh
Employment's purpose keeping face

People don't notice my eyes
red and puffy (from chlorine of course)
Trembling in a balmy 85 degrees

I don't forget to shower if I'm in the water
Although my days are isolated
This is not what humans are meant for

Friends remind me I'm not a failure
Yet it always comes back sometime
Usually in the aftershock of company

Only when I've spoken too much
Though I feel like I hardly say anything
Speaking is like tearing out my intestines

This is the result of a village with no elder
I am the elder now, my own
I don't dare disappoint myself

Only four people have ever seen me cry
One will never see again
Three rare breaths of air
I am always two seconds from drowning

Solitude is the price of human connection
I'm learning to handle the price
Poor in pocket, heart, and spine

Tattooed my makeup so the mask stays on
Carved 'this too shall pass' into my arm
Smeared my emotions on my shoulder

There is beauty in suffering
this is my culture and curse
if that beauty disappears, so will I

My mother used to laugh at me
When I told her I was hungry
Because only her opinion was ever true

I saw a rainbow on the way home
God's Promise to Never Flood again
Even God is a devout liar

If I break down someday
Promise me you won't turn away
Everyone takes a last breath eventually