CHAPTER FOUR
Odette felt like a dead girl walking. Her body was numb while her mind crumbled. She felt bare while walking to the front row of the class. It felt like her entire being was exposed and plastered for everyone to see and gawk at.
She hated the front row.
It felt like she was in middle school again, dreading the seating chart.
She could feel his eyes on her the whole way, it was a piercing feeling that left her feeling even more on display. It was like he urged her to take the seat in the front, daring her to defy him.
When Cara and Noel entered, both looked confused to not find her in their regular seating in the middle row. While Noel frowned, Cara scurried to take the seat next to her.
"Good thinking! Here we'll see him even closer!" She giddily spoke, watching the enemy with wide lovestruck eyes.
Noel took the seat on the row behind them, leaning over and pointing at the teacher.
"This is your punishment for skipping?" He asked, so close she could smell his cologne.
"He didn't want me next to you and in the front row." She explained, sounding bitter.
"What did I miss?" Cara asked, lowering her voice.
"We skipped yesterday and your little crush decided to call the counselor and get her father involved." Noel spoke, just as bitterly as she had.
Cara narrowed her eyes, glancing between the two.
"I wondered where you were. You shouldn't have skipped Odette, your grades have been slipping ever since-"
Noel smacked Cara's arm.
"I just mean-"
"What the fucks wrong with you?" Noel interrupted.
Odette stopped listening, feeling like her ears were ringing and her stare being blurred. It felt like she could hear everything except the sound around her.
She didn't have the heart to respond to her friend or justify her actions. Her grades had been slipping. The fact that the people around her could see it to made her want to sink trough the floor.
They knew she wasn't good enough.
They all knew.
She shouldn't have lived.
She didn't deserve to be here.
Her brother should've survived instead. He wouldn't have disappointed their father, he wouldn't be a failure.
She felt her throat close up. Everything triggered her. Little things felt shattering. She had never been a confident person, even as a child being anxious and introverted. But after the accident it felt like everything good about her, everything that protected her and gave her some armor to handle the world had been stripped. Her being had been disintegrated.
People didn't understand that her even attending class was exhausting enough. It seemed like most people preferred the version of her before the accident, the one that wasn't riddled with so much guilt and anxiety, the one that got good grades without trying. Growing up was hard enough. The responsibility of becoming an adult and the loneliness of it was hard enough and without her mother and brother it felt impossible.
