Just Don't Die

Drama or Trauma

Blaine looked around at the only round table in the cafeteria and tried to remember the faintly familiar faces of his past. To his left, Dominic Swain sat telling jokes. Blaine noticed for the first time how much effort Dom put into being the center of attention. It had always seemed so effortless and innate in his memories, but that's not how it looked now. He also noticed how much acne he had. Little things that didn't impact his memories much stood out now simply because they didn't match up with his memories. On Dom's left sat Lex, with her shoulder-length, straight, unnaturally red hair. She looked from Dom to Blaine, rolled her eyes, and took a bite of her sandwich.

To the left of Lex sat Eric and Natalie, kissing in between bites of their lunch. Eric was a veritable orphan. He never knew his dad, and his mom was more than happy to sign the papers that allowed him to be an emancipated minor. He was rather homely with short, shaggy, jet-black hair, slightly taller than Blaine but slightly heavier. Eric was a borderline genius who worked full-time at a game store after school and on weekends. He was the only one in the group who lived on his own. This automatically made his apartment the go-to place to hang out or have a party for all his friends. Eric eventually used his passion for video games to start a video game development company. It went bankrupt within six months, but he changed his mind about not going to college. The last time Blaine had heard from Eric, he had recently become a high-level manager for a research and development team at Google.

His girlfriend, Natalie, was a brilliant, albeit spoiled, entitled artist with long, straight blond hair and brown eyes. She, unlike Eric, was quite attractive. Her popularity amongst the students and teachers was partly due to her natural charisma and, more importantly, her talent. Her paintings were hung around the school as a proud display of the school's talent. Her talent would later allow her to open an art studio in Denver. The last time Blaine heard from her, she was putting on a post-modern exhibit in California.

Josh O'Malley would usually sit in the empty chair between Natalie and Melanie. Josh was born into money but was ashamed of being known as the "rich kid." Ashamed or not, Blaine remembered that Josh was missing from school right now because his parents had taken him to Australia for two weeks for his birthday. Josh was also considered one of the best-looking guys in school, at least according to the girls in the group.

Blaine had convinced himself that a large part of Josh's notoriety for good looks stemmed from his ability to buy expensive, fashionable clothes. He fit perfectly with the group, in part because the group was formed not out of necessity or proximity but out of a defiant free will. Every kid at this table could have been accepted into a different clique but instead chose to form this group. They considered themselves the non-clique clique. They would eventually start to refer to themselves simply as "The Group," even after high school.

As Blaine's memories from over twenty years before flooded into his consciousness, the clarity of the memories from his younger self created a surreal perspective. The drama of his group of friends was deeper than he would have cared to admit. While Blaine tended to stay on the outskirts of the group drama, he was still, more often than not, a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on when something would inevitably go wrong in one of their relationships. In the future, Eric and Natalie were married, Josh dated Melanie in college, and even Dom and Lex were married for a short time. Still, by the time Blaine would graduate, this group would be torn to shreds by break ups, lies, manipulations, and secret make-out sessions.

It occurred to Blaine that he didn't even have an actual graduation party. Every one of his friends had some reason or excuse not to want to be around at least one of the group's other members. He had trouble remembering the specifics of each incident, but he vaguely remembered how it started. It had something to do with Josh and Natalie having a few too many drinks at a party. That party hadn't happened yet, or at least his younger self didn't remember it, so Blaine was straining to remember anything from that long ago. Blaine never learned how Eric found out, but as usual, Blaine was the one he came to to talk about it.

"Hey, B," Dom called out to Blaine, "can I get a ride home today?" Dom had started calling him "B" at the beginning of the year and continued until they stopped talking. It had always irritated Blaine, but he had never said anything for reasons he could no longer remember.

"No, unfortunately, I have some things to do after school, and it's Blaine, not B."

Everyone at the table fell silent and stared at Blaine. He had meant to say it bluntly, but his underlying anger towards Dom may have put more of an edge to his tone than he had intended.

"Uh, OK. No need to be a dick about it."

Blaine's mind raced to find a way to downplay what he had just said and control his anger so he didn't punch Dom in the face. He had plans to change some things, but this was different from how he wanted it to happen.

"Sorry, it's just been bugging me," Blaine said, focusing on softening his tone.

"No problem, B," Dom said, slapping Blaine on his back while grinning.

The blood and heat surging to his face must have been evident because, without a word, Melanie softly slid her hand over his and ever so gently squeezed. To his surprise, her touch and the subtle smile on her face effectively calmed him. The anger quickly fled his mind as he wondered why that gesture from someone so buried in his past could be so effective.

Blaine finished his slice of pizza, awkwardly kissed Melanie on the forehead, and stood to walk toward the exit.

"Where are you going? We still have a half hour before math." Melanie asked, grabbing his hand and giving him a look, which indicated she was more irritated that he didn't invite her than that he was leaving early.

He had decided that his time would be better spent sorting out everything away from the overwhelming chaos that was his past and apparently now his present. He was confident he wouldn't miss anything important in his algebra and biology classes. However, he had forgotten that Melanie was in both of those classes and would notice his absence.

"I have to run a few errands for my parents." He lied without hesitation.

"OK, see you in class, babe." She said, leaning in for a kiss. She stared intently into his eyes with a look of confusion, but no one else at the table seemed to notice. He leaned in, gave her a short peck, walked out with his bag over his shoulder, and focused his gaze on the floor. He honestly didn't know if he could deal with any more high school drama right now, especially when it took so much energy to decipher his jumbled memories.

There was only one person from his past that he thought he might be able to talk to about it. Even if he couldn't tell him everything, he would at least be able to get some sense of familiarity and, hopefully, some advice.