Just Don't Die

Coping skills

The early summer air wafted through the open windows of Blaine's truck as he slowly followed the winding dirt road up the mountain. He was glad he chose to have his appointment with Dr. Latourney early enough in the day that he would still have enough time to get to the cabin and settle.

Blaine stopped at the gate and looked at his phone to find the text with the gate code. The no-service icon showed, but luckily, the text was from last night, and Blaine rarely deleted anything on his phone. He quickly typed in 5493 onto the keypad and watched as the heavy metal gate rolled open.

As Blaine continued up the mile-long driveway, his thoughts drifted between his memories of Kalvin and the years they had known each other and the more recent memory of the vision he had experienced. Blaine hadn't told Dr. Latourney, but Kalvin was also in his vision. The more he thought about it, the more Kalvin being there would line up with a fictitious fantasy created by his subconscious.

Blaine had almost convinced himself of that reality until Dr. Latourney asked for his imaginary kid's name. The name Juliette continued to resonate through his brain. He knew without a doubt that was the name of the kid he saw, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember anyone ever saying the name. That made absolutely no sense. Why would his mind create a name he would intuitively know for a momentary fantasy?

Blaine's jaw dropped as the driveway looped and revealed the gleaming wood of the enormous mansion. Calling this place a cabin would be like calling the Titanic a dingy. He entered the same pass-code for the garage and parked his truck inside. Even the garage was made from gorgeous, stained redwood logs. Blaine instinctively checked his phone for any missed calls or texts before he got out but was quickly reminded of the total lack of service. In addition to the lack of cell service, Kalvin had told him there was also no Internet or landline here. Kalvin told Blaine that there were still all the amenities he could expect to find at a five-star resort, but the lack of Internet and phones was intentional. This was his safe haven when Kalvin wanted to be away from everything.

As Blaine walked into the enormous kitchen from the garage, he felt like kicking himself for not coming here earlier. The high vaulted ceilings, gorgeous wood floorings, and marble countertops screamed luxury. Kalvin had always told him he was more than welcome anytime, but Blaine always had some excuse or prior engagement that kept him from making the time. Blaine walked to the refrigerator and, as promised, was greeted by a fully stocked fridge with all fresh meats and produce. Kalvin ensured he knew when Blaine would be there and must have had someone stock the refrigerator and probably clean up anything that needed it.

Blaine checked his pocket to make sure the real reason for his visit was still there. He knew that the psychedelic therapy with magic mushrooms had something to do with his vision, and he knew that ketamine was a dissociative drug. If there was any truth to Blaine getting a peek into another reality, both of these drugs together should prove it. He would have a nice dinner, take his mushrooms, maybe go fishing for a while until they kicked in, and then just to push him further along, hopefully into that other reality again, he had a syringe with ketamine ready to go.

Regardless of his intentions, Blaine's excitement in seeing if there was another reality, especially one with his dad and wife still alive, was too great to allow him time to do anything else. Blaine quickly rummaged through the cabinets until he found a jar of peanut butter. He grabbed a spoon and dug himself out a heaping spoonful. He emptied the bag of dried mushrooms onto the peanut butter and shoved it in his mouth. He knew the dosage wasn't going to be as precise as what he had during the psychedelic therapy, but the guy who sold him the mushrooms said that this amount would be enough for two people to have a "really deep" trip. He didn't want to under-dose and only get another glimpse into the other reality again. He wanted to be able to really explore that world, even if it was just a fantasy.

He knew there was no logic to what he was doing. He was literally just chasing a literal dream. Logically, he knew that even if he relived the vision he had seen before or his mind concocted something new for him, he would eventually come back to this reality, where everything had been taken from him. Here, he was orphaned, widowed, and had lost his child. He just wanted to see himself in a world where he wasn't all those things, even if only for a few minutes. Whether it was factual or logical didn't really matter at this point.

He poured himself a glass of milk and looked through the overly spacious cabin. He opened the first door he came to and flicked on the light. It wasn't the size of the bathtub that initially caught his eye, but what it was made of was more than he could have anticipated. The purple and white refracted the light from the ceiling from what looked like a massive piece of amethyst hollowed out into a ridiculously big bathtub. Blaine couldn't help himself; he ran his hand along the smooth sides and felt an almost unsettling coolness slowly enter his fingertips. The otherworldly feelings flooding his thoughts were undoubtedly prompted by his thoughts of other realities and the fact that he had just imbibed more than enough magic mushrooms to leave him tripping for the foreseeable future. Even if that weren't the case, the bathroom was far more luxurious than any he'd ever seen.

He continued down the hallway and a flight of stairs and peered into another room. When he flicked the light on, the stainless steel and medical-grade equipment strewn throughout the room felt more like an operating room. The beakers on the counters and industrial-grade refrigerators humming in the corner of the room felt so out of place for any ordinary residence. Unless that residence was Kalvin, of course. Even with the money he had made throughout his life, Kalvin always had a weird fascination with learning about things like chemistry, computer science, and physics. He had no idea what Kalvin did in this room, and the hospital bed next to the unlit computer screen unnerved him, but in all honesty, knowing Kalvin, it wasn't even surprising.

Blaine turned the light off and continued down the hall, feeling the slight slope as he walked. He found a door and opened it to see a room easily the size of two of his apartments. One wall glistened silver with the dim light from the floor lighting reflecting softly off it. Blaine could barely make out the leather couches, love seats, and recliners strewn throughout the open space. Kalvin had a full-sized theater in the basement of his cabin in the woods. There was enough room for 40 people to watch a movie comfortably, and a fully stocked bar and an industrial-sized popcorn maker nestled against the curtained back wall. Kalvin was not lying when he said to expect the best.

Blaine let his eyes adjust just long enough to see a remote control on an overstuffed recliner centered in the room. He wasn't even surprised at the simplicity that Kalvin had created when he designed this place, as all he had to do was click the power button on the remote, and the entire wall lit up as if he were powering on his living room TV. Blaine wasn't sure what to expect since there was no Internet and thus no way to stream shows, but the sheer amount of available movies and TV shows he was presented with was mind-blowing. The amount of hard drive space needed for Kalvin's occasional entertainment was mind-boggling.

Blaine was still trying to wrap his mind around the immensity of all this when he decided on something simple and familiar. He knew the mushrooms would be hitting him soon and didn't feel like starting a movie or something that he would feel the need to pay attention to. He clicked through the possible music selections and finally settled on a '90s alternative music playlist. Alanis's familiar voice flowed through the entirety of the theater with a clarity that surprised Blaine, even with his high expectations.

Blaine had his eyes closed, listening to an acoustic version of Come as You Are, when he felt the first flutter of butterflies in his stomach. As the waves and strange thoughts started to increase, Blaine felt a small moment of anxiety. This really wasn't a good idea. He knew it wasn't a good idea, but what he felt in that vision was too real, and he had to see if he could feel that again. He shook his head as he plunged the needle into his thigh, pressing down on the plunger.

"Definitely a bad idea." He said out loud as he fell through the recliner. He could hear Cobain's voice calling out to him as he slid into the darkness.