Lost Love In Silence | College Series 1

Chapter 26

Nakaupo na naman ako dito, na puno ng mga tanong sa isip ko. Iniwan na naman ba ako ng taong mahal ko na...? Hindi, matagal ko nang mahal?

"Maxine..." Tinawag ni Angel ang pangalan ko... pero tinignan ko lang siya ng dahan-dahan na may luha sa mga mata ko. "I think it's time for you to go, and talk to him... I'm sure andoon pa rin siya..."

Pinunasan ko ang luha ko, tumayo ako, at kinuha ang susi ng kotse ko. I walked out with confidence instead of burden na nararamdaman ko kanina. Hindi ko hahayaang mag-slide nanaman ito. Kailangan ng leksyon ng lalaking iyon. This time, sasampalin ko siya ng realization kung gaano siya nagmukhang tanga pagkatapos ng lahat ng effort na ginawa niya.

I drove the car quickly to xylo. And even though it's late at night, I'm still driving. I'm full of annoyance and anger right now, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm in tears when I think about seeing Andre. But instead of being happy to see him, it turned into anger.

How could he stomach lying just to get away from me? Bakit hindi na lang niya sinabi sa akin na ayaw na niya ituloy ang lahat sa pagitan naming dalawa? Halip na iwan ako sa ere?

As I walk, I feel very heavy entering the club, including the weight of my foot, as if there is a force preventing me from knowing the truth. And that's when I got even more crushed when I saw the familiar car parked in the lot.

That's the car Andre used when we were in college. That was the car that picked me up that day even though I was very scared, I was happy because he picked me up.

My tears immediately fell as I approached the car slowly, and as I got closer and closer, I could see someone moving inside. And that's when I felt the pain welling up in me.

Andre... he was kissing a girl... right inside his car...

I covered my mouth at what I saw, and my tears flowed non-stop. My chest was too tight as if I would fall down from the pain anytime soon.

How could he do this to me? Is Andre really the man in front of me?

My breathing was heavy, heavier than I thought, and I couldn't breathe properly. I just stood there, watching them kiss in front of me. He didn't even know I was in front of his car doing that stupid thing...

Pero dahil mahina akong gumawa ng galaw, para sugudin s'ya. Pinanood ko lang sila habang umiiyak... hanggang sa naramdaman kong may humawak sa balikat ko ng marahan.

Dahan dahan kong inangat ang ulo ko at nakita ko si Hiro... nag-aalala ang mukha niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Pero itinulak ko lang ang kamay n'ya palayo sabay tingin ulit kay Andre. Pero this time, gulat na gulat ang mukha ni Andre na parang nakakita ng multo.

Agad na tinulak ni Andre ang babaeng hinahalikan niya, at lumabas sa kotse niya. Nang makalapit na siya sa akin ay naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng palad ko sa mukha n'ya. Sa lakas ng sampal ko ay nagulat na lang s'ya pati si Hiro.

"You fucking liar!" Galit na sigaw ko sa kan'ya habang pinapatamaan ko siya ng mga suntok sa dib-dib habang humahagulgol.

Nakatayo lang siya habang nakatingin sa ibaba. He can't even look into my eyes.

"I want to know the truth, Andre... Why?!"

I just keep crying while hitting him.

"What did I do to make you do this to me? You promised, didn't you?! You promised!"

Still, he still doesn't say anything. And he hasn't moved any muscle yet.

"Andre... you promised to love me... bakit ka nang gagago?!" I slapped him again. But after that, I slowly collapsed on the ground.

Andre put his hand under my arms while slowly kneeling in front of me.

"I can't love you anymore, Maxine..." He said. My heart immediately throbbed. Is he serious about what he says?!

Napatingin agad ako sa kanya, gulat na gulat. "You can't?! You fucking play with my feelings, Andre! From start to end... but I still chose you despite how confused I am!"

I cried... and cried... I can't even think straight anymore while I am yelling at him like crazy. Pero nasasaktan ako, nasasaktan ako na umabot sa punto na nasasaktan ko na rin siya.

Gusto ko siyang suntukin, gusto ko siyang sampalin ng walang tigil, gusto ko siyang sipain sa mukha, pero hindi ko makuha ang lakas para makatayo. Feeling ko naging jelly yung tuhod ko... at pano niya nasabi na hindi na niya ako kayang mahalin? Pagkatapos ng 10 buwang panliligaw? Ganun na lang siya magdedesisyon na hindi na niya ako kayang mahalin?

"Nagtiwala ako sa'yo, Andre... dahil sinabi mo sa akin na mahal mo ako... at alam mong mahal na mahal kita simula pa lang... hanggang sa sinira mo," nakatingin ako sa mga mata n'ya. "Pero kahit nawalan na ako ng pag-asa na mahalin ka... ikaw pa rin ang lalaking pinili ko dahil pinaniwala mo akong mahal mo rin ako..."

I couldn't find the words I needed to say just to let him know what I was getting at. I want him to know that no matter how many times the chance for us to fall in love is lost... he will still be my choice in the end. Because I love him, I love him that even though he hurt me before, I still chose to trust him.

I entrusted my heart to him because I know he will take care of me. Many years passed just for him to prove that he loves me. But what is this? What happened to the years he wasted trying to get me?

Pinaglalaruan lang ba talaga niya ako? O sadyang pinaghihiwalay kami ng tadhana?

"Bakit...? bakit...?" Paulit-ulit kong tanong.

Pero walang sagot...

"Hindi pa ba sapat yung ginawa mo noon? Hindi ba enough yung pananakit mo noon para saktan mo ulit ako ng ganito, Andre?" Mahina at dahan-dahan kong tanong.

Andre shook his head.

"... pero bakit kailangan mong gawin ito sa akin? Bakit mo ako sinaktan ng ganito?" I stammered while asking. Even if I don't want to hear what he will say, I need to know why.

Why does he have to leave me when I need him? Why did he have to destroy my trust that he worked so hard to earn? Why does he have to abandon the commitment he promised and stay away from everyone?