Behind The Glass Door

Chapter 12

Lacy:

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Reading wasn't always enjoyable for me. My parents used to bribe me to read my school books when I was little but then I slowly liked reading more and more, especially the books we read in class.

But reading out loud was different.

If you gave me a three-hundred-page book to read, I probably could read it in a day or two. But when I read out loud, it was a different story. I stumbled over my words whenever I read aloud, spacing out each word whenever it continued to the next line.

I love reading out loud in class, I just always struggled a little bit with it.

When I was in the eighth grade I started to realize how I fumbled with my words often. It wasn't because I was a quiet person, I talked all the time, constantly. My teacher kindly brought it up to my Mother and Father and asked if there was anything he could do to strengthen my reading.

My parents tested me for dyslexia even though I had taken multiple evaluations for learning disorders in my life and it had never popped up. I always wondered why I could read so smoothly and fast in my head but I couldn't when I read out loud.

I still struggle with it now.

"Lacy, can I talk to you?" Mr. Blaire asked me as everyone filed out of class.

"Yeah, sure," I nodded, turning around and facing him.

"I don't want to come across as rude or anything of that sort, but I did realize that you struggle to read out loud, but that's completely normal, and you're still one of my best students, you're always engaged and always asking questions, your essays are phenomenal but I just wanted to be aware if there's anything that you have that prevents you from reading out loud that I should know about," he spoke to me, using his hands as he talked with a light smile on his face.

"Thank you so much," I smiled, clutching my books to my sweater, "I've always struggled with reading out loud, my teachers ask about it every year, it's just the spacing or the books I guess, my eyes mix up all the words, but I got tested for dyslexia and I don't have it, so it's just me I guess," I laughed awkwardly.

"Okay, good to know," he smiled, motioning toward the door to which I exited and closed it behind me.

****

I've done almost everything to shake Ruby's death, but I couldn't, it seemed impossible.

I never had tons of motivation in the first place but now every micro thing to do was like lifting a hundred pounds.

Showers got longer, naps were more frequent, getting out of bed was the most difficult task, and doing homework and paying attention in school seemed impossible.

I sighed to myself as I loitered in the hall, pulling my phone out and stepping to the side before pressing my Dad's phone number.

"Hello?" he said, his voice soothing me.

"Hi, Daddy," I said with a small smile at his presence.

"Hi, sweetheart!" he exclaimed. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"How are you?" I cleared my throat after a moment of silence.

"I'm doing good, the leaves are falling now so I've been on the tractor a lot," he sighed through to phone.

My Dad hated leaves with a burning passion, every fall he was out on his tractor in our backyard just driving around in circles to collect the leaves.

"How's the weather there?" he asked.

"It's nice, it's not cold just yet but it's not that warm either, mostly in the low sixties," I told him.

"Ah, must be nice, it's still warm down here but you can feel that brutal winter in the air, just a little," he chuckled.

"Maybe we'll get lucky like last winter, it wasn't that bad," I pointed out to him.

"Hope I won't bring the snow blower out too much," he chuckled.

I laughed lowly at his remark before he spoke again, "How are you?" he asked, I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm uh- I'm trying to hang in there," I sighed, fiddling with the rings around my finger.

"Just keep going, you're so strong and I know that you'll feel better in a little bit," he said encouragingly, his voice smooth and soft.

"Daddy?" I asked reluctantly, "I need to go back on my meds," I spoke with a quiver in my voice.

There was silence for a few moments.

"Okay sweetie," he said lowly, "I just want you to be okay," he sighed.

"I'll be fine, Daddy, I promise," I said, "I just need that help right now," I told him.

"I know, I'll do whatever it takes to help you, I just wish I could be there with you, I don't want you by yourself when you're like this, it scares me," he said, the worry in his voice shaking over the speaker.

"I promise I'll call you every day from now on," I offered.

"Thank you," he sighed with relief, "I'll email your psychiatrist, we'll talk about it with Mom," he said.

"Okay, thank you," I sighed with relief.

"Bye sweetie, love you," he said, his voice warm.

"Bye Daddy, love you too," I smiled before hanging up.

I sighed to myself and pocketed my phone in my sweats, pushing off the wall with my foot and starting to make my way down the empty hall.

"Daddy gonna send your new car over?" I heard a voice from behind me, one that was like nails on a chalkboard but still sent a heat through my head.

I turned around to look at Riley, frustration on my face while a smirk splayed on hers.

"Maybe," I sighed, trying to find the energy to play her game.

"Lexus? Audi? No, Tesla," she smirked as she walked slowly closer, hands in her pockets.

"Mm, you caught me," I clicked my tongue, shrugging, "What do you need?" I asked with a sigh.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

I looked at her for a while until she sighed, looking to her left briefly before looking back at me.

"I need you to get everyone else to talk to me," she said quietly.

"Why would I do that?" I laughed, "You already have Val," I scoffed.

She ignored my comment.

"Because I need my friends back, they're all I got here," she said, frustrated as tears welled in her eyes.

"I've tried, but they won't budge," I told her, feeling a pinch of sympathy for her as she looked down at the ground and shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek to clear her tears.

She might be unsufferable but I understand how she feels, it sucks. You don't have anyone to talk to, sit with, or walk with, and you just look like a loser, all by yourself, wandering like a lost puppy.

"I'll try to get them to talk to you," I said.

"How do you know about Val?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"I heard you in the showers," I mumbled.

"So you were eavesdropping?" she said with a raised eyebrow, "I didn't know you were like that, Clarke," she smirked.

"I-I'm not- you walked in when I was getting out and-" I stumbled to say before she cut me off.

"Relax, I know the last thing you want to hear is me dirty talking or something," she mumbled to herself.

My face twisted in disgust. I hadn't even thought of that before she put it in my head.

"Thank you. For convincing them," she said, nodding toward me.

"It's no problem," I said quietly, suddenly feeling the twist in my stomach and the heat that fogged my brain.

I felt sick.

My breathing increased and I could distantly feel my heart beat rapidly in my chest. My vision went dizzy and I could see the hall in front of me spin around before settling and coming back to a clear vision, but still, a blood-rushed feeling pounded my head and it rang in my ears.

With the feeling still lingering I wondered why that had happened, it only happens when I'm dehydrated, which is always, but I drank two bottles of water today.

"You alright?" she inquired, stepping closer.

"I have to go," I breathed out, barely in a whisper.

"Hm?" she hummed, walking closer to hear me.

My chest heaved in deeply and I could feel the heat radiating off my face as my nails scratched the back of my book before I turned around and walked as quickly as I could away to the nurse's office.

I must have the flu again.