Behind The Glass Door

Chapter 10

Lacy:

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My back tore off the mattress like it had fleas on it as a large gasp tore from my throat and tears spilled down my sweaty face as I gasped for air.

A simple 'Please, no!' had torn with my gasp when I sat up.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Valentina asked, eyes wide with concern.

I coughed and gasped for air, reaching behind me and tearing my shirt over my head along with my sheets as the cold air hit me.

I shook my head as I gasped, crying like a monster, unable to form any sentence.

"Hey it's okay, you're okay," she cooed, putting her hand on my shoulder to which my body jerked, and I moved with my back against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Don't," I shakily said.

I immediately regretted what I said. Her eyes dilated and she stepped back, hand by her side as she looked at me in horror.

It only made my sobs louder as I scratched my nails against my inner thigh, trying to resist the urges I hadn't felt in a couple of months.

When my sobs had quieted down, which was after 45 minutes, I sat in bed feeling nothing.

Feeling empty and numb has always been the start of my depression, it has been since I was twelve.

"Nightmare?" she asked.

I nodded, climbing under my sheets and hugging my knees.

"What about?" she asked, sitting at the end of my bed.

"You're becoming my nightmare," I groaned.

She chuckled to herself, smiling at my comment.

I couldn't look at her the same after I heard her with Riley. They acted like they hated each other.

"So you heard me and Riley?" she cleared her throat.

"Don't talk about it," I said sternly.

"Alright," she nodded awkwardly.

We sat in silence before I sighed and rolled over, looking up at her.

"I heard you telling her to be nice to me, I heard you going into the stall, I heard Riley leaving and after I heard you and then I passed out," I said, rolling over again, "I don't need your charity by the way," I said sternly.

"I just want you to feel welcome here," she said.

"I appreciate it but I'm here to dance, not to fool around or do whatever you think I want to," I said, "I'm here to step up my pointe, not to live the Emily In Paris life, or kiss on the Eiffel tower, I don't want to date anyone," I said in a serious tone, screwing my eyes shut.

"Okay," she whispered, looking down at her hands that were in her lap.

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

"Yeah, you're acting like you're from up North," she chuckled.

"Because I am," I laughed at her.

"Oh, I didn't-" she said hurriedly.

"Dude, it's fine everyone up North is a dick," I sighed, "It's always cold and cloudy there, that's why. If it's sunny it's nineteen degrees, If it's not snowing it's raining, and if it's not raining then what the hell is it doing?" I scoffed.

"Hey, I'm from Liverpool don't get me started on cloudy and rainy. England's the home of cloudy and rainy weather," she laughed.

"Should have gone to a dance school in Florida," I laughed.

"Glad you didn't," she smiled, putting her hand on my ankle through the covers.

I moved it away, slightly looking at her through the corner of my eye, clearing my throat.

"Sorry," she muttered.

I nodded and she inhaled sharply.

"Why do you always flinch when people touch you?" she blurted out.

I flinched at her question, my blood boiling from it.

"That's none of your business," I said seriously, looking away from her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked-" she scrambled to say.

"It's fine," I sighed, "It's not your fault, I just- I don't even know, just don't ask again please," I said.

"I won't," she said to me honestly.

Minutes went by as we sat in a loud silence. The tension between our bodies was thick and awkward as the sound of rain pattering on the roof was heard as I watched cars drive down the cobblestone road.

"I was sexually assaulted, that's why," I broke the awkward silence with an awkward sentence. My tone was serious but calm.

The room was thick and silent again as I stared out the window, watching the raindrops race each other down my window.

"Boston Ballet School, my teacher, Jacob. He always had his eye on me, he was always watching me in class, praising me and shit, but one day I stayed after class to work on my solo for The Nutcracker, I got to be Clara, I always got the roles I wanted because of him. But he told me my legs were awful so he made me go to the barre and I did an arabesque but he started feeling me up, touching me all over roughly," I exhaled.

"The girl at the front desk came in before it got too serious, but it had already gotten to the point where I thought he'd take my clothes off," I shuddered, "It happened last winter when I was 17," I said, "We called the cops but we had no evidence so he's still roaming around somewhere," I said, screwing my eyes shut at the thought of him being behind barres and not bars.

She was silent again before she choked out, "I am so sorry," she choked.

"Why? You're not the one who did it," I huffed, anxiety filling my bones as the urge to smoke came back to me.

I smoked in the summer, before I quit because I went through half a box a day.

I got off my bed and went under my bed, grabbing my suitcase and unzipping it.

"Still, I'm sorry for what happened," she said.

"Where the hell are they?" I muttered.

"What?" she asked.

"My Marlboro's," I muttered under my breath, cringing at my words.

"You smoke?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I used to, I just need one or two and I swear I brought a box in my suitcase. Can you come with me to the store, I need a box," I said.

"Cope with something that won't give you lung cancer," she chuckled.

"My only other coping methods will leave scars too, just like cancer," I laughed.

"Tell me about it," she laughed.

I sighed with relief that she laughed at the joke instead of making it weird.

"I found them," I said, pulling the familiar box out from my suitcase and grabbing my lighter from my table.

I put the orange between my lips and ignited it, inhaling it before letting it hang between my lips as I exhaled the smoke out the window.

"My lady boner just went off," Val said with a laugh.

My laughter boomed around the walls as I took it out from between my lips.

"Please," I scoffed, taking another drag.

"Seriously dude," she laughed, "Could be a model with your attitude I swear," she smiled lightly.

"How so?" I asked, puffing smoke out as if my life depended on it.

"You're confident as hell," she chuckled.

I laughed loudly at her words, throwing my head against my window.

"Seriously!" she said in defense.

"Val, I'm an eighteen-year-old girl who does pointe. What confidence is there in that?" I asked.

"You have a point but you seem like it," she said.

"I tear myself apart, Val, I'm like...a vulture or something," I inhaled the tobacco deeply before releasing it from my mouth.

"Don't," she said looking at me, turning her body toward mine, "You're stunning," she smiled dazedly, her eyes flickering to my lips.

I cleared my throat and muttered a 'thank you' before stiffening my body.

"I think Riley has something for you," she said pointedly, looking forward at her bed.

"That's funny," I said.

"It's true," she told me.

"She hates my guts. Even if she did, I don't like girls," I muttered.

"Alright, sure," she sighed.