The Miami Diaries Book 1

Chapter 5

T/W: Anxiety attacks, nudity.

***

Lex

One month ago:

I'm lying close to Speed. His hands greedily roam over my naked body. I giggle, snuggling closer and planting a tender kiss on his bare shoulder.

He chuckles softly, dragging his lips over me. I shiver, sliding away as I touch his stumbled cheek. Speed lens in, greedily kissing me. I smile, trailing a hand down to his chest.

"Damn, Lex," he rumbles softly. "The things you do to me."

"Ditto, Speed."

****

Steve

I have no idea what time it is when I'm rudely awakened by Lex's screams. I bolt upright, untangling myself from the blanket and dash into Lex's bedroom, flipping on the overhead light. Lex is sitting up in bed, sobbing her heart out.

"Lex, Lex," I soothe as I hurry over and sit down on the edge of the bed. Lex immediately moves into my arms, burying her face in my chest. I gently wrap my arms around her.

"You'd left me," she sobs. "You'd left and didn't come back."

"I didn't leave. Ssh. I'm here. Shh." Lex burrows further into me. I simply hold her, occasionally murmuring softly to her until she finally calms down.

"You gonna be okay?" I ask. Lex doesn't say anything for a few minutes.

"Yeah. Just don't leave me, Speed. Please."

Ah. Now this makes more sense. I won't say a word about it, however. Because right now, I'll be whoever Lex wants me to be.

****
Lex

I don't remember falling back asleep after dreaming about...Speed. I do, however, remember someone strong holding me as I cried myself back to sleep.

When I wake up again, even that felt like a dream. Did someone really come in and hold me, comforting me as I sobbed? It had felt pretty real. But I've had other dreams where I could have sworn that Speed had returned to me.

Then it comes to me: it wasn't Speed, but...Steve.

Oh gosh. He probably thinks I've completely lost it. I quickly dress, quietly exiting my room in case Steve is still asleep. He's not. He's in my kitchen, making himself some coffee.

"'Morning," Steve says, smiling.

"Good morning." I shift from one foot to the other, struggling with my next words.

"About last night," I begin but Steve stops me.

"You don't have to apologize," he says.

"I should," I insist. "I'm sure that I scared you and disrupted your sleep."

"You didn't do it on purpose," Steve argues. "Besides I can do with losing some sleep."

"I'm also apologizing because I thought you were....your brother," I say softly. "You aren't him and that isn't being fair to you."

"'Fair' has nothing to do with it." Steve begins searching for the coffee mugs.

"In the cupboard to your left," I say. Steve grabs out two mugs. "I just don't want you to feel like I was....using you."

Steve turns, his gaze locking with mine.

"You weren't," he murmurs, stepping closer. I twist my lips into a tiny smile.

"You're positive?"

"Yeah." Steve returns his attention  back to the coffee, pouring us each a cup and handing a mug to me.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

***

I'm watching as Steve collects everything, preparing to head out. I feel a twinge of separation anxiety.

I don't want him to.. go.

He collects his suit and makes sure he has his keys, wallet and cell. We'd enjoyed a nice, quiet breakfast, even talking a little bit more about Speed.

"Looks like I'm ready to go," Steve tells me. I nod, reaching out to touch his arm.

"When will I see you again?" I ask. Surprise flashes across Steve's face.

"You...want to?"

"Yes."

"Uhh, I'll have to check my schedule," Steve responds.

"I hope it won't be too long," I say,  removing my hand.

"We haven't exchanged phone numbers," Steve says.

"We should do that." I go and quickly grab my phone and we exchange numbers.

"Do you live here in Miami?" I ask. Steve shakes his head.

"No. Actually I live a couple of hours away, in Palm City."

"Oh." My heart sinks down into the pit of my stomach. Steve places his hand on my shoulder, smiling softly at me.

"Hey, we'll see each other again. This isn't just a one time thing." I nod but I don't feel much better. Steve heads to the front door.

"Thanks for letting me crash here. It really helped."

"No problem."

"I'll see you, Lex."

"See you," I echo.

"I promise I'll call," Steve adds.

"You'd better," I joke. Steve chuckles and then is...gone. I don't know why I feel more empty than ever.

***

Steve

I can't forget the look on Lex's face when I was leaving. She'd looked like she just lost her best friend. I don't  know if it was because she's still missing Tim or if it was more because we...connected.

I hate reading more into the situation. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe we just bonded because of this horrible tragedy. Maybe Lex just needed someone who knew Tim longer than ten years. Maybe Lex was just drawn to me because of who I am: Tim's brother. Or maybe, just maybe, there was something else between us.

***

"When do you think you'll be back in town?" Mom asks. I notice since the funeral, she's been acting somewhat more rational. It's a relief. Do you know how upsetting it is to see your mom crying?

"I'm not sure," I reply as I cram my dirty clothes into my bag.

"It might be nice if you'd move back to Miami so we could see you more often," Mom says in a not-so-subtle way.

"I actually might," I say as Lex's face pops into my mind. Mom actually smiles. Then she comes to give me a hug. I hug her back. Mom pulls away.

"It was so good having you back, Stevie."

"I'm glad." I grab up my bag. I go tell Dad goodbye and then head, knowing I'll be back sooner than I originally intended.