40 Days In The Desert

Chapter 17 - Family Issues

Souss-Massa Region, Morocco, 18th of July 1999

The strangest thing since I've been stuck here occurred this morning. Dark clouds are gathered above me, yet it doesn't rain. Even if the sun isn't shining anymore, the dryness of the desert mixed with the peculiar phenomenon creates the worst mix that ever existed.

I can barely breathe because of the atmosphere. The air is heavy and hard to inhale, carrying humid particles mixed with sand. It almost scratches my throat. But I know I can't stop fighting now. I can't give up while I'm still here.

If I haven't died in the sun, for sure some storm won't kill me. And, if it will, that's solely what God wants, because I'm aware that He's the only one in charge of my life lately. Like He always was.

But, there were moments in the past when I dared to doubt our Creator. Sad pieces of memories where I was shouting and arguing with Him, angry that I can't have a moment of peace. But when did I ever know that concept? Definitely not until now. Maybe this desert prison is nothing else but the response to all the moments of relaxation I sought from God in my prayers. Only, as always, He delivered in his own strange way.

~

West Berlin, Federal Republic of Germany, 20th of September 1988

My birthday passed like any other before. Only I must admit that this year John has made it more bearable. Even better, I might say. He got me gifts, as well as a cake, then we stayed inside and watched some movies. It was a calm and cozy atmosphere, which is right what I needed after the tiring trip to Monaco.

Apparently, the evils have no plans with me. If they were supposed to send a claim to the court, they should've done so by now. Which made us both think that probably no one knows about what happened in Sabine's bedroom except for the terrified grandma. Probably not being found guilty for violating the treaty rules is also a great aspect I should count as gift. Yet I'm still alert about it, thinking that one day someone might dig that up or do something out of the authority of the court or their ruling.

"Come on, Gunde," John shouts at me enthusiastically from inside Grillenloch. "Your shift has ended ten minutes ago."

We are at the club, still in the "let's celebrate my birthday" mood even if I was working a full shift tonight. John wanted to come and have fun after I'll be done. Although it's not a bad idea at all, after the trip I still think that my social batteries are extremely low. But, even if I wasn't in the right state to party, I couldn't say no to John. He's the one who has helped me all this time and I have no idea what I would've done without him. A little time with him after my shift ends won't hurt anybody. Or so I want to hope.

"I finish here when my colleague comes, John," I try to explain something he already knows. "I can't leave the door."

"Then maybe you'd want something to drink."

"No, thanks," I reply, trying to sound nice with him because, out of everyone, John deserves to see the kind part of me the most. "Go back inside, I don't think it'll take too long until I come too."

He nods and listens to me without insisting. This is one of the many things I like about John. He doesn't force me to do anything but allows me to take time and respects my private space. Which is a really important quality.

As I look through the crowd for unfamiliar faces, I get to see a lot of people who are already regulars of Grillenloch. Some I like and, if my life wouldn't have been a mess, I would've loved to chat with them and have a little group of friends. But I know I can't have this. Surely the moment after I'll be seen out in public with anyone, those would become targets for the future evils attacks.