Love Bites!

Confession Letters (2)

N - Uh, Iwa s hoping...we, uh, we could talk? - he asked while blinking his eyes when he figured that she was not going to say anything.  

A - Uh, ye-yeah! Sure. - she stuttered.  

N - Could we...could we go out? - he said as he saw her friends around. 

 Avni just nodded & stood up from the stool she was sitting on as she stuffed her notepad & pen in her sling bag that was lying on the stage. 

Neil couldn't see but Avni was digging her nails in her palm as she walked out of the auditorium with him. Once they reached outside, Neil didn't stop but kept walking & Avni followed him confusedly. 

A - Uh, where are we going? - she finally spoke when they had reached the College main gate. 

N - Uh...I thought you'd like some adrak-elaichi chai? There is this tea-shop at the nukkad (*corner*) which is quite famous! - he told as he turned towards her & looked at her. 

That was it! That was it, Avni thought! 

Avni could feel her heart beating so fast that she was genuinely shocked it still was enclosed in her rib-cage. She had imagined this scenario so many times that she had now lost count, and when it was happening in real, she was just reduced to be a ball of nerves! She wanted to squeal, so bad, it was at the back of her throat, but she composed herself & nodded her head at him while he still stood in his step, looking at her. 

They started walking again & as soon as they came out on the road, Neil walked around Avni and gestured her to walk on the the pavement while he walked beside her on the road. She bit her lips in order to hide the smile that threatened to appear on her face & kept walking as graciously as she could. 

Upon reaching the corner of the lane, they could see that a few people were drinking tea at the small tea-shop but it was not as crowded as it used to be in the evenings. Neil gestured Avni to take a seat on the bench placed adjacent to the road as he took a seat beside her after ordering for two adrak-elaichi chai. 

Both of them sat there in silence, the faint sound of people chatting while sipping their tea & a few vehicles that crossed the road reached their ears. Avni waited for Neil to say something while he was still figuring out his restless thoughts to start the conversation. 

It was tough, he thought! He had been so busy thinking about the letter & then searching for her in the college that he completely forgot that he didn't really know what he wanted to say to her. Exhaling a long breathe, he took the kulhad (*tea cup*) from the young boy who served them. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Avni did the same while offering a small smile to the boy. 

N - You, ah...sing really well! - he said as he turned a little to look at her. 

A - Thankyou! - she said with a small smile on her face. 

Neil found her smile beautiful & contagious as he himself smiled a little while looking at her. It was still spring & a gentle breeze was blowing, sitting so close to her, he could get a whiff of her scent. She smelt like daisies, he observed. He liked daisies! 

N - Ah, Avni, I..um read the letter! It...it was beautiful. Thankyou so much for liking me, it..really means a lot. I, uh, don't really know how to express it but, let's just say that I was going through a little rough patch since the last two months and, the letter actually made me feel happy in a long time, about myself! - he truthfully told while intently looking her in the eye. 

Avni listened to him with all her attention as if her life depended on it & she knew that whatever he was speaking, he was doing it with utmost sincerity. She wanted to ask what was he so worked up about & she wanted to make sure if he was okay! But then she thought that may be, it was a bit personal, so she decided against asking anything. 

N - I...Avni, can..uh, can we..be friends? - he asked hopefully while he clasped both of his hands together. 

Neil waited for Avni to say something, he desperately wanted to tap his foot in the ground out of anxiety but controlled himself & focused on his clasped hands. 

A - Neil, I..don't think that is a good idea! - she finally spoke after what felt like eternity to both of them!

Neil knew this was probably how this would go, what was he even expecting? She had clearly stated that it was just a confession & not a proposal. Still, he could feel his stomach drop a bit. 

A - Neil, I don't think I can be friends with you! I understand that you don't reciprocate my feelings &  that you're with someone, & I respect it. But, at the same time, I need to respect my feelings too! - she said genuinely while Neil listened to her. As much as I want to be around you, I don't think I can be just platonic with you with my heart going haywire & stomach feeling giddy every time I look at you! - she sighed while Neil looked at her with a crestfallen face. So, it's better...that we...keep it the way it is! - she finished.  

Neil wanted to say something. Anything! To make her stay, but he knew that he'd be wrong in doing so, he couldn't be as selfish as to make her stay around even when he knew it would hurt her. So, he did what he supposed she would want him to do - he nodded his head & watched her leave while his heart couldn't help but feel a little constricted.