Love Bites!

Confession Letters (1)

But then, when has universe ever kept things easy for me!?

That day I had gone grocery shopping with my flat-mate, I had never done it before! Mom used to take care of it all back at home, so I sluggishly dragged my feet up to the supermarket & there - I saw the most beautiful & charming smile ever! 

There was a small flower shop at the corner of the lane & I spotted you there - with your twinkling hazel brown eyes & camera-flash smile. I could no longer drag my feet towards the supermarket, I was stuck there, lost in your aura. 

I saw how you bought a bunch of sunflowers for the little girl, who I knew used to sell umbrellas on the opposite pavement. I even saw you buying some lunch & story books for her before you left the place. 

In that moment, I knew that it was not just a crush anymore, in that moment, I liked you! From the bottom of my heart! 

The next six months passed in a blur - watching you contently reading at the library, then attending my lectures, watching you play basketball in the college playground, studying for my exams & imagining scenarios where I'd finally gather enough courage to tell you that I liked you! 

I liked you for the way you had helped the girl from the pavement, I liked you for the way you're always so polite & ready to help whoever approaches you, I liked you for the way you helped your team-mate get back home safely because he had a swollen ankle after the inter-college basketball tournament, I liked you for the way you scrunch up your nose after taking a sniff of your black coffee but never change the order for the drink anyway! I had even thought of introducing you to adrak-elaichi chai, but I was too shy to do that! 

Another semester passed & my traitor heart would just not stop going haywire every time my eyes landed on you. It was stupid at this point, I just couldn't figure out what to make out of my feelings towards you & your gorgeously stupid colour-changing eyes!

So, I decided that I'd tell you about it all. I had prepared for almost a week about what I was going to say & I even had thought through the possible reactions that you could have. 

It was simple actually, I had foolishly thought! I planned that if you would not accept my feelings then I'd just gone home - eat buckets of coconut ice cream, watch silly Imran Khan rom-coms, listen to break up songs & move on! However, the dreaded scenario was the one where I assumed that you'd actually accept my feelings & would agree to give us a chance. (as if!) I would die out of happiness, I had thought! 

However, the day I finally decided to tell you my feelings & approach you, you didn't turn up at the library! I had waited for the whole day with those sunflowers for you  but you never came!

I waited for a whole week but you didn't come. I had thought that you came to know about me & were hiding from my crazy self. But, after a long dreaded week you finally came - hand in hand with a beautiful girl - and just like that, I felt like the whole sky had crashed upon my shoulders. 

Through my teary eyes, I saw you giving her that camera-flash smile & in that moment I questioned myself that what was worse? You deliberately ignoring me, or, you not knowing about my existence at all? I didn't know the answer - I could never know! 

Coconut ice cream, Imran Khan rom-coms & break up songs did not help! I could still picture you every time I closed my eyes & piano notes were still the second best music! 

I had stopped going to the library & playground in an attempt to avoid you. However, nothing seemed to help!

Four months had passed and I had managed to get through it without ugly crying & stalking you, however, I knew for a fact that you were still my heart's maze! I still liked you!

Two days ago, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends - chatting & discussing notes - the usual stuff! Suddenly, there was a huge uproar in the canteen kitchen & all the students rushed there. I was lost within the crowd & couldn't really understand what was happening until some of the students started screaming that it was fire. 

More students gathered around there & somehow due to the hassle, I was now standing at the front. I could see that the kitchen counter had caught fire & one of the old servers was stuck there. I could feel my body freezing & could hear all the students shouting to help the old man but no one really moved forward.

I was standing there like a statue - just being a bundle of nerves & panic - & then, you came! Initially, I thought that I was just delusional to see you there but then I realised that you actually were there. You jumped into the kitchen & helped the old man out. The janitors had come by then & they were trying to put the fire out while you got some water for the old server. 

Slowly, when the shock subsided, I got hold of my body & mind back, by before I could do anything, I was being dragged out of the cafeteria by my friends.

That night, I could not sleep. And, that night I had decided that I would not stop liking you! From that moment onwards I didn't like you just for the your eyes or your smile, but I liked you for the person you're, Neil. 

And, I will not shy away from admitting it. I know that you probably don't even know of my existence as I write this, but that's okay. I am okay with liking you from afar & wishing for the best of the best for you! For how many times in life you ever come across someone who is always so giving & self-less! 

Just like all the other students including me, you could have just stood there & not actually jump into the fire, but you did! And, that's what makes you, you!

Neil, in these two years, the best thing that happened to me was that I came across you. I am so glad that I got to know that you exist - and that you're so beautiful! 

I am certain that there is so much more that I still don't know about you, but I am content with all that I got to witness. I don't even think that I'd be able to deal with it if I ever get to witness you closer than this. (sigh!)

Thankyou for reminding me that good people still exist & that there are people out there you would help you without wanting anything in return. I don't know if I should associate you with sunshine - for the warmth, or moonlight - for its calm! But, I hope & wish that you become & achieve everything that you desire, Neil. I wish you the best because you deserve every bit of it.

For the absence of enough courage to use the other L-word, let's just say that I like you. Probably, will always do!

And, this is just a confession & not a proposal because I know that you're with someone & honestly, I want you to be happy with her!

Avni!" 

By the time Neil finished reading the letter, he had smiled, laughed, frowned, and felt a huge plethora of all other emotions in just a span of some minutes. He could not help but re-read it - again, and again! 

He could not understand how someone could love so selflessly without wanting anything in return. He was definitely not capable of a love like that - he thought! 

Sleep had long gone from his eyes & the whole night his mind kept repeating the words from the letter again & again!