𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 » j.g × j.w

f o u r t e e n

j o h n n i e

bryan sits cross legged, hunched over, staring at his feet. he's been like that for the past 10 minutes. it's making me nervous.

i hesitantly get out of my bed, my heart racing. bryan snaps his head in my direction. "where are you going?" he asks. he looks fucking deranged, like i'd get rabies from him. "i'm switching rooms. i don't trust you since–"

suddenly it all comes flooding back and i think i'm gonna be sick.

he gets off his bed and starts approaching me. i back off slowly and i feel like i can't breathe.

"johnnie, i'm not that kind of guy anymore, relax."

relax.

"you just need to relax. it won't be as bad if you just relax!"

i don't realize it until staff starts running to our room that i'm screaming. i'm curled up in a ball on the floor, screaming while tears run down my face.

"get him away from me!" i manage to get out.

"what did you do to him?" one of the staff members asks bryan rather harshly. he begins to stammer before blurting out, "i didn't do anything wrong!"

i feel a hand on me followed by, "my name is miss joi, i'm one of the mental health specialists. i'm gonna help you up then we're gonna go to one of the offices to debrief. is that okay with you?" all i can do is nod.

miss joi positions me against the door. "use the wall for leverage while i help you up, okay hun?" i nod once more.

it only takes 30 seconds but it feels like several minutes when i'm finally standing.

miss joi has her around under my arm while my arm is around her neck. we begin to walk but before we're out of the room, she looks back to one of the staff members and says, "bryan can't share a room."

as we walk to one of the offices, i realize i'm gonna have to talk about what happened. i suppressed it for long that it seems physically impossible to talk about it.