𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 » j.g × j.w

s i x

johnnie

the sound of repetitive beeping causes my eyes to flutter open.

i try to sit up but my back hurts so much and i have a pounding headache. it feels like something is in my throat. reaching my hand up to my mouth, i feel a tube.

i run my fingers down my arm, feeling an iv in my vein.

my vision's blurry but i know exactly where i'm at.

i feel something wrap around me, then i hear a familiar voice say, "ohmigod, johnnie. you're awake."

it's my mom.

"ohmigod, you're awake. nurse! nurse! he's awake!" she shouts. i can't see her well but i know she's flailing her arms around.

nurses and doctors rush in. i'm surrounded.

they begin to remove the tube from my mouth while my mom keeps repeating, "i can't believe you're awake." it's weird feeling that i do not like.

once they remove the tube, the first thing i muster to say is, "it didn't work."

my mom looks like she's about to cry.

"johnnie, i'm dr. caswell. what do you remember happening?" dr. caswell asks.

i look at him confused.

as my vision starts to get clearer, i see him and the nurses exchange looks.

"i tried to kill myself," i whisper, avoiding eye contact. my mom makes a sound that's obvious her heart is breaking.

dr. caswell nods. "what did you take?" he asks.

"a bunch of pills and jack daniels. go out with a bang, y'know?" i say quietly.

he purses his lips. "here's what the plan is, johnnie. we're gonna keep you here a few days, to monitor you. then after you've been medically cleared, we're gonna transfer you to our sister hospital and you will be admitted into the psych ward. is that okay?"

i fidget with the iv.

"johnnie, don't touch that," my mom says softly, pain in her voice. she takes my hand firmly wraps her hands around mine. "i'm so glad you're alive," she says, raising it to her lips to gently place her lips on it.

"your mother has removed your piercings and your make up. we have your piercings in a little container so they don't get lost," he informs me. all i do is nod.

while my mom has one hand in her grip, i use the other to cover my eyes. god, i feel like someone took a sledgehammer to my skull.

"can i have some tylenol or something? i have a splitting headache," i say.

"we found lethal amounts of tylenol in your system. we'll see how you're feeling in a bit and go on from there. right now you need to rest."