My Love For You Was Bulletproof (SEQUEL TO LEAVING HOME)

Chapter 12

As the night went on people were celebrating and drinking, even Jenn was drinking and that shocked me seeing as no one else was... She knew I had a problem yet she was stood in front of me drinking the free champagne people were handing out. I looked away from her and Ronnie could see that I felt uncomfortable, I tried to hide it but it was impossible. He dragged me away and we went and sat down for a moment, just the two of us. I was shaking with the urge but I covered it up by saying I was just freezing. "Do you want my jacket?" 

"No I'm fine, I don't want you to freeze too" I chuckled and hugged into his side "You should go back to your band mates, I'll come back over in a second I just need to rest my legs, it's not easy standing in these heels for long periods of time" Ronnie looked a little shifty about me being on my own but he left anyway, kissing me softly on the lips. I watched him walk away and I suddenly felt the urge again. I stood up when I knew he was out of site and went over to one of the people giving out the free champagne and took a glass downing it in one. Suddenly feeling a lot calmer and better. I had the taste for it and that wasn't enough. I felt like I needed to go and clean my teeth to get the smell off of my breath the hotel was only a 10 minute walk away and I doubt they would notice that I had gone. I took my heels off and headed back but on my way I spotted a liquor store.I hesitated but went inside looking up and down the aisles for something that would fulfill my needs. I found a bottle of Vodka and took it to the till. I was shaking violently now and I had a tough job getting the cash out of my purse. Once I paid for it I legged it back to the hotel and into the lift. When I was outside my hotel room I fumbled around in my bag, I could hardly get the key into the door due to the way my hands were shaking. I got into the room slamming the door shut and dropping my bag down on the bed. I opened the bottle of Vodka and started to drink.

I was half way through the bottle, and I felt drunk as hell, my phone began to buzz and I looked at the caller ID. It was Ronnie, I suddenly felt a wash of guilt come over me which made me want to drink even more. I ignored the call and sat down around the side of my bed near the balcony doors. I looked at the clock as the fireworks began to light up the sky. I rested my head on my knees and broke down, I was a mess and I felt terrible. I'd ruined everything. I wept silently when someone banged loudly on the door. Ronnie shouted in "DEVEN ARE YOU IN THERE, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!" I cried harder and I heard him bang on the door "DEVEN!" I heard him groan loudly not out of frustration but out of pain. My phone started buzzing again and it was Ronnie "I know you're in their Dev I can hear your phone, now open up I'm worried about you" It went silent again and it felt like an eternity before I heard the lock turn, I stayed quiet I didn't want to be seen like this by anyone, especially not Ronnie. I knew he couldn't see me down here. I stared straight ahead, the bottle in my hand, my phone next to me and my knees pulled up to my chest. He called out my name again "Deven where are you?" he rang my phone again where he stood by the hallway and followed the sound of the buzz. He had found me and I didn't dare look at him I turned my head "I-I'm so sorry" I choked out before starting to cry hysterically. Ronnie lent down next to me and pulled me into a hug. "No Ronnie, don't" I struggled out of his grasp and he looked at me pitifully "I'm a terrible, terrible person, I don't deserve your forgiveness" I turned away from him and crossed my legs burying my face into the side of the quilt cover that was hanging off of the bed. Ronnie touched my shoulder and turned me around. I looked at him and he looked shocked, but not a oh my god shocked more of an upset shocked he was on the edge of tears and seeing Ronnie like that made me feel even worse. I watched as he took the bottle from my hand and I let him, he took it into the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. He handed it to me and I took it sipping it slightly as he watched over me inquisitively. I felt disgusted with myself, this wasn't how I wanted to go into the new year at all. 

Ronnie disappeared into the bathroom and I heard him put the taps on to run a bath. I was still sat on the floor and I heard Ronnie come out of the room but he didn't come over to me I turned around to get a glimpse of him. He was stood facing the wall his head leaning on his arm that was pinned to the wall. I hated myself right now I hated myself so, so much. I didn't think I could get any worse than this. I thought I was alright I thought this was all just an illusion but it was real. I was an alcoholic and needed help. I should have listened to Ronnie the first time and not just pushed him away. I should have accepted his help. Ronnie eventually came over to me and pulled me to my feet. I swayed a little trying to get my balance as I was stupidly drunk. Ronnie turned me around and undid my dress before guiding me to the bathroom. He sat me down on the toilet seat and slipped my dress off. I shivered at the cold air and then he took everything else I was wearing off. I hugged my knees as Ronnie turned the taps off he lifted me up and stood me in the bath "Is that warm enough for you?" He asked me, it was more of a croak though. I didn't respond I just sat down. Ronnie stroked my hair as he sat down on the floor by the bath. I didn't want to speak and neither did he by the looks of it. I don't think he even could. He grabbed a jug and filled it with water before pouring it over my head, the warm water felt so nice as it fell through my hair and around my shoulders. Ronnie washed my hair for me. There was a knock on the door and Ronnie got up to go and answer it. The bathroom was right next to the front door so I could hear who it was and what Ronnie was saying. "Ronnie, what's up man?" I heard Jacky's voice echo into the corridors. Ronnie didn't reply instead I heard his fist hit the wall and a sob escape his lips. Jacky  sounded extremely concerned "Is it Deven? Is she okay?" I grabbed a wipe from the side and started to clean the smudged make up that had ran down my face away. I grabbed a towel  from the radiator and got out of the bath. wrapping it around me tightly and sitting down on the rug on the floor. 

Ronnie soon returned after he had gotten rid of Jacky. He helped to dry me off and took me into the other room placing me on the bed. He grabbed a clean pair of knickers from my case and took his shirt off. He handed me the knickers and I put them on before he placed the shirt over my head and putting my arms through it. He grabbed a bobble from the side and tied my hair up for me so the excess water didn't drip down onto my face. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was 2am already and I was starting to feel sleepy now. I yawned and Ronnie pulled back the covers, I got under and he took off his jeans getting in next to me and pulling me into his chest as I fell into a peaceful, deep sleep.

When I woke up the next morning I felt dizzy and my head was pounding. Ronnie wasn't with me anymore and the sunlight from the balcony door hurt my eyes. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to go back to sleep. I didn't want to be awake today, I wanted to be asleep still. I was drifting back off when I felt someone rip the covers back. I groaned loudly and covered my face with my hands. Whoever it was grabbed them and pulled them away from my face, I opened my eyes to see Ronnie staring down at me. He sat me up and I looked down at my legs. "Come on, we need to leave" I looked at him as he stormed across the room, he looked unhappy and I didn't blame him.