La Hasil (Hollow Pursuits)

Chapter 2

Catherine Brown was 16 years old when she first sold her body for money. Why she did it, she never bothered to ask herself. At least not until she met Mazhar Khan six years later. By then she had lost all identity except for the epithet Dusky Damsel by which she was known to all.

Catherine's mother, Ruth Brown, came from a Methodist family—a family where boys were more valued than girls. A family which frowned upon women having careers.
Ruth Brown's father was proud of the fact that his wife had never worked before she got married nor had she hankered after a higher education. After marrying him she was happy devoting herself completely to her home and family.

Ruth too showed no signs of deviating from the family path. Having received a minimal education she was waiting to marry one of the 'suitable' boys she had been introduced to by her family. That is until she met a Pakistani. She did not know what attracted her so strongly to this man, but the appeal was there and soon after meeting him she ran away from home and began to live with him.

Ruth's family was horrified by what she had done. Of the three sisters, Ruth was the most timid and unassuming. No one could have guessed that not only would she disobey her family by opting to live with a man outside of marriage, but that too with a man who was neither of her Church nor of her race.

Ruth knew well enough that her family would never accept a man outside the accepted social circle and so she had kept her friendship with Aleem a secret. She was afraid that if they found out she was seeing him they would confine her to the house. So it was only after leaving home and starting her new life that she wrote to her family informing them of what she had done. She received no reply to her letter. She had not expected any.

Ruth did not live with Aleem for long although she did marry him. She also accepted Islam in the hope that it would compel Aleem to stay with her.

This did not happen. Aleem was an illegal immigrant. His only interest in Ruth was that she was his ticket to permanent residence. Once he had legalized his status, shortly before Catherine was born, he disappeared. Ruth was devastated.

She could not believe that Aleem had indeed abandoned her. For weeks she scoured his known haunts. She went to each of his Pakistani friends to inquire about him. All professed no knowledge. It was as if Aleem had fallen off the face of the earth.
Slowly the realization grew: Aleem had deserted her. He would not come back and his friends would go on covering for him. 'He has gone to Spain...to France...back home to Pakistan...wherever'; the deception would continue.

Ruth was only 21 years old and her world had collapsed around her. She could not return to her family and she had no skills to earn her own living. However fate intervened and helped her out of her predicament. A few weeks before the birth of her child, Ruth's father died. For Ruth, this was a blessing in disguise. Her father would never have allowed her back but her mother, after a short interval, asked Ruth if she would like to come home.

So it was in her grandmother's house that Catherine grew up, with her mother and grandmother—Ruth's siblings all having left the home to live their own lives in different cities.

Catherine's earliest childhood memories were of her mother and grandmother quarrelling incessantly. Buffeted by life's troubles her mother had taken to drink. At night she worked in a bar and the days were spent in a drunken haze. Her grandmother took on the responsibility of looking after little Catherine, and it was she who told Catherine about her father.

Catherine's mother had little to do with her. If truth be told she had little to do with anyone. Aleem's betrayal had scarred her and she could not get her life together again. Catherine could not make out if her mother loved or hated her. Sometimes her mother would take Catherine out with her but if she came across an Asian or Muslim she would start shouting and berating him and would spit in his direction. Catherine became terrified of having to go out with her mother.