the third person

friendship

blogpost:

thethirdperson_1390

just read a book, won't name it in case people accuse me of hating, but it was the best plot with the worst characters. weird how ppl seem to think how limited friendship is. 

like i get that friendship is with that childhood friend you see almost every day and the day you don't see them, you realize they're not there and get worried. That friend you talk about everything to, you hang out with them every day everywhere, you have millions of secrets and they're the usual 'bestie' material. but not everyone has those, alright? not everyone finds people like those, it doesn't click with a lot of people and you can't trust many in this world. people have trust issues, people have commitment issues, people have issues, okay? not everyone has your typical stress-free characters with a flawless ability to relate and explain their emotions.

*sigh*

i ask you today, writers of many more those kinds of books- where friendship is clearly labeled as people who have to talk to each other regularly, people who relate to each other a lot, people who think alike, people who- yeah, you get the point. i ask you- is it not friendship that i have with that dude i see daily in the library, he waves at me every day and i have no clue what his name is- but his smile makes me smile. 

is friendship, not an acquaintance which brings a smile to your face? is friendship, not anything but an acquaintance that brings some light to your life, even if it is for a second? if that is friendship, then i consider that guy from the library as my friend. is that wrong?

is it not friendship that i have with that girl from the coffee shop who i see every Friday, and who gives me an extra cherry on my cupcake? is it not friendship i have with that girl i saw at a concert, then saw her at my school, and now she smiles and waves at me cheerfully whenever she sees me? is it not friendship i have with the many people i share a smile with across the school corridor every day, because i know i have seen them somewhere other than school? or maybe i had a 5-second interaction with them one day, or bumped into them, or helped them bunk class? is that not friendship? i don't talk to them about my feelings and i sure as hell don't know half their names, but thinking about them in the dead of night makes me smile. 

Do you know why? 

because the day when i realized it wasn't possible for me actually to have real 'friends' to the definition, I had to find compensation in these small acquaintances. these small friendships with about fifty people are more than having one friend. these small friendships give me hope. Do you know why? because when I'm alone in my room with no one to talk to, i remember them. i remember them, their smile, and wish that they were happy. i wish that they find actual friends in their life and i wish them the world because that's what they deserve, that's what everyone deserves. i wish them all the stars in the world, and that gives me hope. because if I'm wishing for them, that means at least one of them might be wishing for me too, right? and if they are then i have more of a reason to live today. 

i might get to have convo with them tomorrow, i might get to know their name. there is so much that could happen between me and my small friends, that i don't want to die today. i want to live until tomorrow, i want to live until i get that anonymous marriage invite to one of their weddings, and they don't know my name so they just call me 'tall girl with the freckles'. but i attend that marriage because it makes me happy and it gave me a reason to live. 

is it not friendship if it gives you a reason to live?

this also shows how we don't really need a lot of effort to find a reason to live. why, if someone is sitting alone at the edge of some tall building and thinking about how it is practically a routine to smile at that stranger from across the corridor, how it can be practically a routine to give anyone a small smile, and maybe it doesn't take away much of your time but it gives you an important role to play. it gives you a reason not to jump. is that not friendship? 

if that someone jumped tho, then the other ppl won't have anyone to smile at them, won't have anyone whose smile makes them smile. we're all dependent then. we're all tied in a complicated web of friendship, then. it makes no sense to define it then, does it? because then every acquaintance is friendship, and every interaction with everyone is friendship. That way we all have friends and no one is really alone. that way we all have a purpose. 

we all have a reason to not jump.