Written in the stars

10.

Ayla

Minutes blurry into hours. Hours blurred into days. I shifted into wolf form, running through streams, through forests. Then back into human form, where I slept. I shifted again, branches tearing at my face, hunger gnawing at my stomach. When I changed back into human form, I fell to the ground immediately and curled myself into a ball. Cold, shivering, alone, I wept. 

I knew I had to find Casandra. She would know what to do. Shifting between human form and wolf form, I made my way to the only place that had ever felt like home. In the mountains of Montana, I made my way back towards the cabin. It had been two years since I had left, but I knew they would still be therein the only place that had ever been my home.

Memories blurred and faded. My wolf side was so primal that I struggled to recall what had happened when I changed back into my naked human form. My clothes were long gone, shredded from my body. Blood stained my body, but I did not think it was mine. I washed myself in a stream, and found there were no wounds, confirming the blood was not mine. But to whom did it once belong?

He was going to hurt you, Asa stated, no emotion her voice. She replayed the image of me tearing the man to pieces, in wolf form. It didn't effect me like I thought it might, not in the slightest. I didn't even flinch at the forgotten memory she showed me. Instead, I was pleased at my strength. Never again would I be caught unaware. Never again would I be hurt.

I nodded. I have been hurt before. I told her, my memory going back to the night I was used for the pleasure of a stranger, almost killed in the process. My face pressed hard into the dirt, hard hands around my throat-

Never again. She said, and I felt a strength wash over me.

We need to work together from now on. I told her. I looked around the stream I was still in. It was dark, and I needed to sleep. I climbed to the edge of the river bed and curled up under a large willow tree. 

I don't know where we are, or what has been happening. I told her, needing to get this off my chest before I shifted again and I lost myself to her. It scares me to lose control like that. You can't block me out, even to protect me. From now on, we work together. We are one.

We are one, she agreed.

I curled up beneath the willow tree and slept. 

***

I spent the next month in pain. Vision blurring, skin burning, bones breaking. I didn't know what was happening to me, but for some reason, I still couldn't control the shift.

I could see the cabin in the distance. It had smoke billowing out the top, and I hoped there was warm water for a bath. I forged on in human form, my mind tearing itself agonisingly apart as I fought for control over the shift I could feel constantly on the brink. I fell through the door of the cabin, shifting into a wolf as I did so.

Nakoma leapt from the couch, shifted effortlessly as she did so, ready to attack the intruder.

Exhausted, I lay on the floor and whimpered in my wolf form. I couldn't lift my head. I just watched as Nakoma circled me, her hackles raised, emitting a low, warning growl. Then her eyes met mine, and she shifted back to human form.

"Ayla," she whispered gently cupping my wolf head in her hands, her voice amazed. "Look at you."

Cassandra came out of the bedroom, her hair tousled as though she had been sleeping.

"It's Ayla," Nakoma stated simply. "She is a white wolf."

"I always suspected as much," Cassandra replied.

I whined as the shift took control again. Bones crunching and morphing into a different shape. Skin pulling, stretching, then relaxing back into place. I lay naked and dirty on the floor, shivering.

Cassandra covered me in a blanket.

"Get her some food and water. Quickly."

She raised my head gently as they ladled water to my mouth. I drank a few sips, but my lips were cracked, my throat burning. I shook my head and turned away at the offering of food. I leaned forward and vomited yellow bile across the wooden floors.

"I can't control it." I managed to say, my voice hoarse. It was the first time I had spoken in over a month.

"Get the wolfsbane," Cassandra ordered and Nakoma did as she bade, returning with the colourless liquid in a small vial.

"This will help," Cassandra said gently. She tipped the clear liquid to my lips. It had no scent, but the taste was bitter and putrid. My stomach lurched again, but I managed to keep it down.

"You are weak. This will block the shifting and help you to rest and recover."

Exhausted, the wolfsbane began to work quickly. My eyes heavy, my mind foggy, I surrendered to the sleep that my body begged for.