All for me

Time wasted

"What did you tell him Emma?" I said with a frustrated tone. 

We were making breakfast and I hadn't even asked about her night with Max, I was way too anxious to hear exactly what "everything" was that she told Chris. 

"I told him the truth Elyse that you were done with that relationship for a while that we all wanted you out of it and that you were too scared." 

"Omgosh, I do not want to seem like a pity party to him I was not a victim."

"I know Elyse that is not how I meant it, I'm summarizing. But he understood, he knows now that the breakup was inevitable. He knows people make mistakes and he is not judging you, you need to call him."

"I am mortified!" 

"Come on, stop it is not like that. Don't miss out on a genuine connection over some pointless embarrassment. " 

"I'm going to just take some time to think about it." 

"Ok, I just hope he doesn't move on by then."

"I am not worried about that," I laughed. "Then it would be clear that we aren't meant to be."

"True." She laughed and we sat to eat breakfast. 

I spent the rest of the morning getting work done but my mind kept going back to that text. 

I had too much pride to just give in so quickly but it didn't make it any less consuming. I just felt so comfortable with him and I haven't felt that way in so long but I also didn't want to just jump from one relationship to the next, that can't be healthy. 

But would that be me giving up an opportunity... ?

"Fuck" I had to focus on work with three different projects due and only a quarter of the way done with my editing I had to stop getting distracted. I made myself a cup of coffee and dove into my work for the rest of the afternoon. 

Around 6 pm I heard Emma get home, soon she was walking through my bedroom door. 

"Ok, I love the set up in here!" She gushed. I had made the best of the space with my overhaul of belongings but it still felt cramped to me. I had to probably consider selling some things or getting a storage. 

"Hi Emma, how was work?" 

"It was good, busy. But I come with a message actually."

Immediately my chest tightened. I turned around to face her.

"Max mentioned that you haven't responded to Chris' message and that Chris is thinking you must be upset about how things were left between the two of you."

"Damn........ I thought I could take some time before I answered, I don't want to rush into anything new Emma, I am fresh out of a relationship."

"It is up to you at the end of the day but at least respond." 

With that she turned to leave the room. 

I pulled out my phone to re read the message

Emma talked to me, told me everything, I hope you don't mind. I think I owe you dinner. Call me.

What would I even tell him...... 

Fuck it. Before I could think it through any further I tapped the call button next to his name. 

I put it on speaker and with each ring my heart rate sped up. Immediate regret. 

"Hello"

OH. MY. GOSH. such a bad idea. 

"Uhh hi, Chris its me Elyse."

"I know," he laughed heartedly "how are you I was starting to think you hated me."

His playful tone made me feel much more at ease and I felt the tension dissipate a bit. 

"Who said I wasn't calling you to tell you to stop talking about me because I did hate you now."

"Oh ok well if thats the case I will make sure to talk about you to anyone who will listen, if it means I will get a call from you...... even angry." 

I laughed at that, "You're silly, but yeah I'm sorry I just didn't know what to say."

"I understand, I feel really bad about how things ended last time and I was hoping maybe you'd give me a chance to make it up to you."

Damn, I wanted to say yes but I don't know if im ready for this. 

"ummm.... "

"...ok so now i am really thinking you hate me."

"No no its not that I just thought maybe some space would be a good idea for a while just while I settle into everything and to also have time to just like heal." 

"Oh ok yeah I understand that completely. Its the responsible choice for sure."

"thank you but yeah I mean I am up for hanging out as friends I know my friends are dating yours right now so I don't want it to be awkward or anything, there is zero animosity. I just think I should focus on myself for a little while and if I am lucky enough for you to still be single when I am ready I would love to take you up on your dinner offer then."

"I will hold you to that"

"There will be no need." I teased. 

"Well have a good night Elyse thank you for calling, I loved hearing your voice."

I was so relieved that he wasn't able to see the sweep of red that washed over my face at that comment. 

"Goodnight Chris"