Until the very end

A Fall Before Pride ~ March 2019

"Do you think he meant it?" Stephen eventually found his voice after sitting with Ant in complete, stunned silence for far too long. He was surprised by the feeling of Ant deflating with quite so much relief beside him. The older man hummed questioningly, apologetic as he forced Stephen to vocalise what he meant completely. "About my mum."

"He struck me as the sort of person who'd say anything to get in your head, pet," Ant murmured, his voice wavering, "I don't know your family though – I don't know if that sounds like something your mam would say or not..."

"I don't know," Stephen admitted and, really, that was the most heartbreaking thing for him. He wasn't assured enough in his trust of his mum to categorically deny that she'd ever think something like that about their kids. It scared him more than anything else, that he couldn't convince himself that she wouldn't.

"Don't think about it now," Ant soothed, stroking a hand over his forearm and then dropping his grip to squeeze Stephen's restlessly drumming fingers for a moment. Stephen found himself nodding even though he knew trying to do that was futile. The words would rattle around his head along with everything else until someone found the balm to soothe them. That person would likely be Dec, talking with unbridled excitement about the family they were about to start together. Stephen would remember the joy of their current circumstances and brush this latest blip under the carpet.

One more thing to keep at bay in his vulnerable moments.

One more voice to add to the cacophony of disapproval that sometimes fought to overwhelm him.

(*~*)

"You're back already?" Dec asked surprisedly barely a minute after the front door had closed, signalling his return home. He came around to the front of the sofa and took the two of them in, his expression stuttering as his eyes roamed over them both, concern becoming the dominating emotion. "What happened?"

"Sit down, Decs," Ant murmured steadily. Stephen swallowed as Dec did as he was told without questioning it, the severity of the situation clearly stopping him from asking. He settled restlessly at Stephen's side, fidgeting for a moment before one hand was lifting to cup the back of his neck as the other toyed with his fingers.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly as if it were just the two of them in the room, the stroking of his skin over Stephen's nape pulling a rawer reaction to the surface. Stephen tried not to cry, ducking his head closer to Dec and letting himself be pulled in. "Stevie? What happened?"

When Ant started to talk, Stephen retracted into his own head. He let the buzz of the other man's voice continue above him, feeling Dec's chest reverberate with a response every so often. He didn't want to hear it, retold by an angry Ant. He didn't want to go through the pain of hearing his uncle's words in the voice of someone he would believe without question.

He only realised Ant had stopped talking when the vibrations of Dec's voice came to an end too. The older Geordie was trembling but Stephen could tell without looking that the reaction came from anger and little else. He rested a hand on Dec's leg, some sort of steadying gesture that seemed a little pointless considering that Jeff was nowhere near them at the moment. Dec couldn't make a bad decision, even if he wanted to.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there," he murmured instead, still cupping Stephen's head gently against his shoulder. "He had no right to say any of that. None of it is true." His grip around Stephen increased with the growing tension in his voice. It was intense but not anything Stephen needed to shy away from – the rage was well-contained and directed only at a few people. It was only disappointing that all those people had to be members of Stephen's family.

"I should have got us out of there quicker," Ant added, his voice subdued and out of character. It reminded Stephen of what Jeff had said and he clung to the worry over what that would do to Ant just to get away from his own feelings.