Until the very end

Get Me Out of Here ~ November 2018

The unfamiliar surroundings were doing nothing to alleviate Dec's uncharacteristic nerves, even if said surroundings consisted of a fancy hotel and far better weather than they'd get at this time of year at home. Seeing Stephen unpacking on the other side of their room was enough to leave him dizzy with relief, grateful that the younger man had carved out enough time off from his own schedule to be in Australia from the very start.

Dec wondered if greeting Holly at the production meeting tomorrow would be the event that finally tipped his nerves over the edge. He was grateful that she'd said yes - she'd been one of his first choices in the end not just because she was so different from Ant but also because she was familiar. He didn't want to work with one of the up-and-coming talents that ITV had suggested, knowing that he was paranoid enough at the moment to take some time to warm up to a stranger. It happened sometimes; maybe a knock-on effect from working with Nigel; he worried about what people thought about him and Stephen - if they accepted it.

Even if Holly wasn't Ant, and Dec really needed Ant right now, at least he knew her. If anything, she was too nosy, capable of being just as insufferable as Ant because she knew him well enough to tease him. He hadn't worked out if he wanted her to be like that yet or if it would just remind him of the other Geordie, at home and having to fend for himself for the next few weeks.

"I thought we could go for a walk if you're not too tired," Stephen said as he started to hang a pile of their shirts up in the wardrobe. Dec shook his head to try and clear his thoughts and moved over to the open suitcase to at least give the illusion that he was being helpful.

"Yeah," he replied with a faint smile, "Might as well take advantage of the days we have before the series starts."

Ant wasn't even on his own. He had a far wider support network than Dec and Stephen although Dec frequently found himself forgetting that. Sometimes he put far too much responsibility on his own shoulders, still feeling like he could make up for something that he'd failed to do over the last couple of years. Not that what had happened was his fault, as everyone who knew him best still said repeatedly.

But when he was on the other side of the world, working on a job that from the outside probably seemed like a holiday, it started to feel like he was leaving Ant behind all over again.

"Holly's arriving tonight, right?" Stephen continued.

"Think so," Dec said as if her schedule wasn't burned on his brain. He'd been keen not to be stuck in a meeting without her, feeling as if the executive producers would have a harder time trying to mould her into a carbon-copy of Ant if she was there to provide her own input. What Dec wanted was to make this series feel like something entirely different to the others - in a way, he wanted the absence of Ant to be felt just to prove that the other man needed to be there next year.

"Must be," Stephen agreed with a nod, "If you've got that meeting tomorrow."

Dec smothered a sigh badly and instantly felt Stephen's patient attention focused completely on him. Rather than vocalising his reaction, Dec nudged his head onto Stephen's shoulder, glad to feel an arm snaking securely around his back despite the heat in the room. Sometimes he almost wanted the distraction of the discomfort that the suffocating warmth brought just because it stopped him from thinking about anything else.

"You're trembling," Stephen murmured suddenly, almost sounding reluctant to bring it up. Dec pushed a little closer, feeling his head dip as an unusual heat prickled beneath his skin. He didn't get embarrassed around Stephen - they were far beyond that by now - but today he couldn't help but feel sheepish over his blatant display of nerves. He tried to kick his brain into gear, searching for a believable response when Stephen's hand cupped the back of his head and the simple warmth of his palm stopped Dec from thinking at all. "It's alright, Deccy."