Sarah Paulson Characters: Mental Health One Shots

Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Reader - Hold on

warnings: mental health, mention of depression, mild mention of suicidal thoughts, mild mention of self harm, angst, fluff

Prompt: as each day becomes harder and the urge of hiding your true feelings and emotions from everyone grows stronger, you are reminded that you aren't alone and sometimes all it takes is someone to hold your hand as you hold on

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If someone asked you when everything had changed, days felt so long with each minute passing, feeling like pure torture however at the same time passing too quickly and feeling as if your life was just passing by you. You couldn't answer that question, not that one or all the other questions circling in your mind lately.

When did you let it get this bad? Why have things changed so drastically? Where did the girl with the brightest smile go? The one who would get so passionate about little things like autumn leaves falling as soon as the season finally changed, the first pumpkin spice latte of each year or feeling the first snowflake on your skin. Where did she go? and why was she replaced with this colder, sad version that you didn't recognise at times yourself.

Another question you asked yourself was how no one had noticed but at the same time you felt relief about this. It was always your safe space, hiding your true emotions from everyone around you. At least the ones you didn't mean for anyone to see. You didn't mind letting people in on happy emotions, smiling and laughing and sharing your happiness. However you always hid the negative once, sadness as you would never cry in front of anyone or show fear. You felt uncomfortable, not wanting to show weakness and at the same time wanting to keep the image of the picture perfect person intact, at least on the outside.

What you are unaware of however is that people did notice. Not anyone of course, most people just passed by you, mistaking the fake smiles for real ones, not noticing how you always avoided the question "How are you" with a quick "I'm fine, how are you?" before brushing it off and telling you about their own problems or lives. You prefered it that way, not having to be open that way. But people noticed, more specifically the two people closest to you. Despite trying to hide it and carrying on with your days, switching between shifts and university as you had been doing ever since moving into the academy with them, all while still showing kindness and helping out everyone around you.

Cordelia had noticed first, being able to tell that her little sunshine's smile was fading every day. She tried to convince herself for a while that you are okay and it was due to stress as she knew you would never say no to taking care of your girlfriends or helping them out in any way to relieve them of some stress, nothing ever too much and only wanting to put smiles on their faces. She believed that you were just a little stressed, however there was a specific afternoon she noticed that something was indeed off, causing for her perfect features to crease and the worry written into her face.

It was an ordinary sunday afternoon, and those were usually spent in peace and quiet to recharge for the upcoming week. The three of you had this little routine as often the witches were to return in the evening after being away for the weekend, while some others just liked some peace and quiet in their rooms. The three of you would usually spent time together, going on walks as much as Wilhemina's back and pains would allow, cooking or baking together or spending some cozy time on the sofa together, by the fireplace or playing a movie. Cordelia would sometimes read, while Wilhemina would do some knitting. On busy weekends you would do some work for university but always in their embrace, a warm arm wrapped around you or a set of tender brown eyes looking at you with pure adoration.

On this said afternoon however, you hid away as you prefered being on yourself, trying to drown yourself in uni assignments and distracting from the aching feeling in your heart. You felt horrible all day, the thoughts so loud keeping you from forming a sentence that made any sense. The aching in your heart feeling as if someone cut it over and over again. Every breath hurt your lungs, every step hurt your tired feet and you just couldn't do it that afternoon, pretend that everything was okay and fake smile.