Treat You Better

Chapter Sixty-Four: The Plant and The Sun.

"...I know it's probably irrational but I can't help myself, I can bring myself to say it, because I don't know if I actually love him or if I'm just being stupid all over again." I said. "The whole concept, the thin line between love, obsession and just plain seeing what you want to see despite the actual thing being obvious is just messing me up. So I don't want to go back to Angelo until I'm sure of what I actually feel, he deserves that at least."

Dr. Malachi took a deep, and honestly a bit troubled sigh. He seemed to have aged five years older after hearing all that I went through.
It wasn't my fault he was such a good listener, but I guessed it was all pretty horrific to an outsider. There was nothing I could do about that though, these were the monsters I lived with, they'd made a home in my life.

"Miss Violet..." Dr. Malachi said, stunned. He took off his glasses, wiped and put them back on, blinking severally. "Well I apologize for my loss of words, I'm just amazed that you are only just coming to seek help, but also very grateful that you have. You never should have gone through any of that."

I shook my head, "No it served me right, I was dumb-" I paused. "Yeah, Angelo would have hated hearing me say that."

"I have to agree with him. Anyone can make a mistake as simple as picking the wrong partner, would you say they deserve the way that partner would treat them?"

"No but-" I cut off tiredly. "Okay so what do I do? How do I get back to being normal?"

"Normal? Miss Violet, in everything you have narrated today, the only normal person seems to be you and perhaps Mr. Sullivan." He sighed and steepled his fingers as he elaborated. "All your reactions to your situation are completely understandable and to be expected, they show that something is wrong somewhere and you have refused to live with it."

"Oh." I said, "okay...how do I get better? I want to love someone without feeling afraid of heartbreak. I can't take another Hale."

"I understand, has Mr. Sullivan given you any reason to doubt him?" Dr. Malachi asked, "it could be your subconsciousness telling you something's up somewhere."

Leaning back into my seat, I thought about his question long and hard. Even after the incident and the whole display we had after it, I still believed him. "My opinion might be biased, but according to how I feel now, I trust him with my life, Sir." I confessed.

Dr. Malachi nodded, looking at the clipboard in his hands "Biased... You feel like if you could blindly fall for Hale, you can fall for anyone. Do you think you fell for Mr. Sullivan because he was the only one available when you were at your lowest?"

For the hundredth time this session, tears stung my eyes. "Oh God, what if that's it?" My mouth trembled, but I quickly squeezed my eyes shut, and forced the tears back before Dr. Malachi could offer me the tissues that he'd kept reaching for but I never got to use. "Well that would be absolute crap."

"It doesn't have to be the main reason, it could be one of the many." Dr. Malachi said before raising a brow. "That is if you can list many..."

Was that a challenge? "Of course I can, he's kind, he's generous, he cares about people around him despite how hard he tries to seem like he doesn't, he gave Susan a camera so she could start a blog, he became friends with my friends even though they were probably annoying, he knew Annie didn't like him for the longest time but he was never mean to her back, he's good at wrapping people around his little finger charming everyone immediately, he's such a good judge of character, observant, even my cat loves him, he's cared for me in ways that I don't even care about myself, he's determined and brave and strategic and patient, he loves his family so much he's always willing to go the extra mile, he..." I paused and immediately turned the colour of a beetroot when I realized just how down bad I probably sounded.