𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐯𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 || JJK x READER

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚡

Y/n's pov
The reflection of my weathered face and dark circles under my eyes on the mirror was the result of my state of mind over the past twenty-four hours.

I had run away from Jungkook's studio without giving him much explanation.
I had run with all the oxygen my heart could pump to the most peripheral cell in my body, for fear that some other ill-intentioned person might harm me.

The first, second and third subways had arrived on time, allowing me to take refuge inside my flat as quickly as possible.

I looked like a madwoman out of her mind.
Bag at the entrance.
Shoes scattered around the hall.
Jumper on the sofa and trousers in the hallway.

I felt dirty and uncomfortable after that maniac had touched me.
I headed straight for my room, grabbed the handle of my bedside table drawer, took three sedative pills, the last ones, and swallowed them.

I had to forget about that horrible morning as soon as possible.

After that I remember very little, except for the fact that I abandoned myself under the jet of boiling water in the shower.

This morning I woke up in my bed, so I suppose I managed to dry off and get dressed, even though the sweatshirt I was wearing was on backwards.

On my desk, my diary was open and the pen, without the cap, resting on a sheet of paper.
I must have written something to let off steam, but what I saw at first glance was just scribbles.

I was about to ignore my horrible 'I'm on sedatives and I can't even stand up' handwriting when something among those scribbles caught my attention.

That name.
His fucking name.

Jungkook.

It was written with more force than the other words, the ink was well marked on the paper.
I was curious about what I had written, if a little apprehensive, so I sat down in the chair in front of the desk and struggled to read out loud through my horrible, slurred handwriting.

Dear diary,
that damn man held my hand, he comforted me, he was so close to me that his eyes stood out so big.

I found that pathetic.

His such powerful hands only feed my desires and fears at the same time.

Jungkook would lead me to ruin, to a pleasure-filled hell.
Now I felt the sensation of his skin against mine and all I can do is think about what he could do with those fingers, while I quietly comply with his every command.

Is this then what happens to my mind when my guard is down? This is insane!
I skipped a few lines where my handwriting was incomprehensible and continued, bewildered.

What if I let him ruin me, destroy me from his being?
It's so wrong but why couldn't he be my first?

My first fuck.
The first tongue that would know my body.
The first man who would taste me and eat me bite after bite.
The first manhood my throat would know as I let myself choke by it.

What's wrong with me?! How could I be serious?
I closed those pages as soon as I sensed certain fantasies about how his dick might taste.

I cursed myself under my breath and headed for the bathroom abruptly.
My mind was now invaded by scenes of rather violent sex involving Jungkook and I had to finish this immediately or I would vomit shortly.

So tried to get my head together.
I had to get dressed and ready, but for what?
My mind refused in every way to think of having to go to that alley again, of having to put up with Jeon Jungkook's rough manners, especially after what I wrote while I wasn't fully conscious.