The Body #2: Lucio and Janie

Chapter 26 (Janie): He Hugged Me

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA

"Nothing to say?" Lucio goaded me as I turned and walked back into the house.

He knew. He knew. He knew their names, and I had no doubt he hadn't been bluffing about their skills. He fucking knew.

His voice continued taunting me in that inflectionless way. "You can choose not to participate in the conversation, of course, but that just means I'll have to figure out where I can best put their talents to use in the Body by myself."

After making sure nobody was around, I spun to face him. "You need to leave them alone, Lucio."

"I can't do that, Janie. It's a new Body and you and your friends are needed."

"So you're going to force us to work for the Body?"

"You already have been," he said. "But no, I'm not going to force anyone to do anything. I'm going to offer them opportunities they can either accept or decline."

"How can they possibly accept, Lucio? Their husbands aren't going to be thrilled they've been leading a double life and are definitely smarter than the vast majority of Body men. These women are amazing in their own specialties."

"That's why I'd like your help with this, Janie."

"We've never operated in the light, Lucio. And I don't know that any of us wants to."

He stared hard at me. "Sweetheart, you already have been. You've been in a motherfucking spotlight since you sat at the head of the table in front of all the Body Heads and their seconds."

As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. But that was me, and the girls might not want to follow me since it could affect their marriages. Lucio was right that it was a new Body, but it was still run by men who had been brought up in the old ways and could, and did, still have traditional mindsets. Just because Lucio and Santo had decreed the changes didn't mean they were instantly accepted and embraced. Changing your way of thinking was no overnight process. It took time to shift generations of established norms.

Lucio was probably the classic example of one foot in the old ways and one foot in the new ways, as he'd proven on our wedding night. But I also had irrefutable proof that at some point since I'd been back, he'd stepped completely over to the new ways. Knowing how he'd been raised, knowing how Dario had raised him to be, I knew what a challenge it was to overcome that kind of brainwashing. I respected the kind of strength it took to turn away from something that had been beaten into you.

Lucio took two more steps closer to me. "We have to keep pushing the boundaries to extend them, Janie, and then push harder to extend them even more. We've put a lot of positive things in place, but there's still a lot of work to be done. What better way to push and to show change by having women seated at the table, so to speak. You can't escape that and it sends a clear message: look what women have been accomplishing, what they're capable of adding to the Body in ways outside of raising the next generation. No doubt that's important as hell, one of the most important jobs there is, but you weren't given any options. So now there are options. Choices."

"Except for me," I said softly.

"You can do anything you want," he said.

"I can't have a divorce."

His brows drew down. Lucio had had a visible reaction to what I'd said.

He took me by the hand, and tugged me over to the couch. I had a feeling if I resisted, he'd throw me over his shoulder to move me where he wanted me. Sitting down on the couch, Lucio put me on his lap, straddling him. His brown eyes held my gaze and wouldn't let go.

"The other day, when you allowed me to kiss you --"

"I lost a bet."

He shook his head. "Stubborn to the end, sweetheart, but we both know what happened that day. You can hide behind losing a bet, but if you had wanted to refuse, you would have."

I looked off to the side and Lucio immediately turned my head back to him. 

"Those were the best five minutes of my life, Ginevra. Nothing else has ever come close to you being in my arms, to the feel of my mouth on yours."

The sarcastic retort almost flew out of my mouth, but the shock at his words stopped it. Even though I hadn't voiced it, I knew that old, dark memory caused a shadow to pass over my face, just as I knew that Lucio read my look accurately.

"Can you ever forgive me, Ginevra?"

Wasn't that the question?

"Could you forgive me? Could you forgive me bringing another man into our home on our wedding night and telling you to go away? Could you forgive me for fucking another man on our wedding night? Could you?"

"I'd kill him," Lucio said evenly, his eyes steady on mine. "But I could forgive you for anything, Ginevra."

Impossible as it seemed, Lucio was telling the truth on that, and it felt like my heart stuttered in my chest.

"What you did hurt me, Lucio. Not just a little hurt, but the kind of hurt that's buried in your skin and you can't get it out no matter how hard you try."

He just watched me. Waiting. Not apologizing again because he already had and that was astounding in itself because this was a man who believed apologies didn't really change anything. 

"I had no one, Lucio. My father had just been killed, my mother had been gone for years and I had no other relatives so I was looking forward to making a family with you. I didn't want to be alone anymore, and I was so damn tired of handling things on my own. Since my mother had been killed, I'd lost her comfort to turn to."

I refused to let the tears fall.

"My father was wonderful and he loved me, but when he was away at work, I had no one to turn to and Papa worked a lot. He raised me as best he could, and I adored him, but he was a tough man, a Body man. Far and away better than most, but some days, I was so bruised and hurt from my training that I just wanted someone to hug me. But Mamma was gone and Papa was at work so I'd had to wrap my arms around myself. But you know what? Hugging yourself is not the same. It's not the same at all. It's the most lonely feeling there is."

I thought of my recurring dream that had visited me last night. More and more details were becoming clear.

The man was standing in the middle of an empty room, and although I couldn't see his face clearly, he had broad shoulders and strong arms and dark hair and a rugged face and his voice was deep when he said, "Come here." When I entered the room, his brown eyes were on me as he held open his arms to me, and I walked into them. Resting my head against his bare chest, I wrapped my arms around his waist, enjoying the feel of his warm skin against mine. His arms went around me, his chin rested on top of my head, and just that quickly, he was surrounding me with his strength, giving me a break from having to be strong. Alone.

Only last night, I hadn't woken up from my dream gasping and shaking; instead, I'd woken up feeling peaceful. Safe. Comforted.

Not alone.

Before I figured out what he was doing, Lucio had his arms around me, one hand pressing my head to his chest as he hugged me, his chin on top of my head.

"Let me be the one to hug you then, Ginevra," he said. "Let me in. Let me take that hurt away."

His voice dipped so low, I could barely hear him.

"Let me love you, Janie."

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA