Sinners || Dottore

~15~

- are you still mad at me? - since the morning Amara didn't say a single word nor spared a look in my direction. "She's definitely angry with me"
- Lady Alice! - she finally turned around to face me - of course I am angry! I didn't have much time to spare yesterday so I admit that it was partly my fault, but I really don't expect you to walk outside in such a weather with no proper clothing at that! When Lord Dottore brought you back and you didn't respond I almost got a heart attack
- sorry about that - I scratched my neck embarrassed. She did have a point - I was a bit tired and fell asleep
- well now I do know that! Really what has gotten into you?!
- I... I want to take the fullest of my life. I don't want my weak body to be a hindrance in enjoying myself.
- but you don't have to be so reckless... You got me and Lord Dottore worried. I really thought you would be sick yet again
- well seem like the Dottore's straightening medicine is working
- of course it is! I personally looked after every his experiment to make sure it was okay for you to take it - she huffed
- right, I still forgot that you were once scholar too. It makes me a bit sad since I don't have any talent nor any other useful knowledge - I admitted
- but didn't you learn science as a kid? And don't you know the genetic? Lord Dottore explained it to me, and it was truly fascinating! 

- it's just basic knowledge... And I don't remember much of the books I've read in the past
- don't think to lowly of yourself - she squeezed my hand gently - you've experienced a lot of cruel things and you are proficient in a fields of science that I've never even heard of before. You are amazing and I respect you as a person, as my Lady, even though you do behave carelessly and worse than stupid sometimes - I laugh at that, Amara had such a pure heart and I've never met someone like her before. My doubts were simply caused by the still vivid in my head nightmare. I trusted Dottore even though I knew him as a heartless, psychopath and a mass murder which made me feel blue. Wasn't I cruel myself? I was completely different person before coming to this world. Even though I did feel somehow guilty and responsible for Dottore's wrongdoings, if he told me to kill or die for him I was able to do that without a second thought. It was a cruel world and I adapted to it better then I thought I would. Was it because of what Dearen did? I wasn't sure... Maybe it was just how I actually was from the very beginning

- my Lady there is no such a term as a 'good' person in Snezhnaya, and there are many noble soul with a hands covered in blood. I am not such a pure person myself. I've done things that you can't imagine and for which I can not be forgiven. This is the reality here and I think as of now, you are too kind for this world. I fear that one they the burden will simply break you, and I don't want for this to happen. You need to accept the reality, and catch the anger burning inside you and let it guide you. You can't be bothered by the past nor the future that awaits. Someday your hand will be covered in blood. This is the path that you can't escape from, as long as you stay by Lord Dottore's side. Please... Fight for what is dear to you, let this be your brand new goal for this life. I believe you are destined to become a noble figure my Lady.

"Fight for what is dear to me? Right... I forgot that this is not my world. I started to panic because I forgot about the rule I personally created... - If the world is against you and the feeling of loneliness is taking control over you, smile brightly as there is no point in dwelling on the past nor the future. What is the most important is 'present' in itself"
- you are right Amara, thank you - I gave her a hug that contemned all of the emotion I felt. She is the true friend I've always dreamed about. There is no way and pint in saving everyone. As long as I have this that I love by my side it's all that matters. I don't want for my death to be as meaningless as last time. As a wise man said "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘌𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘋𝘪𝘦 𝘈 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘰, 𝘖𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘌𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘛𝘰 𝘚𝘦𝘦 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘝𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯". I guess I've lived long enough... - I have to get stronger, don't I?

- I am glad - she smiled happily and deeply moved that she was able to successfully get through to me