Gardens of Ash

Chapter 15

"An assassination has been called for me, by my own people," I whisper as Arwan helps me take a step out of the bath with my bad leg.

Why do I tell him this? Why not? Maybe he could feel sorry for me or something stupid and then feel the need to help me and I get exactly what I wanted from the very beginning—

He washed it— that hurt terribly, but we both kept quiet and I simply grit my teeth. When he wrapped it, I felt relief wash over me once the pressure of gauze was applied.

As Arwan wraps a soft towel around my shoulders, a dark chuckle escapes him as I turn to face him—totally forgetting I'm bare, I turn back around and tuck the towel under my armpits and wrap it around the length of my body.

"When is someone not trying to kill you?" He says it as if the answer is never—he'd be correct. I scoff, walk towards his bedroom as he trails behind, "I'll have you know, my citizens love me."

"They're scared of you," Arwan says as he cocks an eyebrow.

I shrug, still holding my towel tightly, "Even better." I feel awkward standing next to his bed without any clothes and weaponry, but I doubt Arwan will try anything.

He goes to his wooden bedside dresser and begins to search through it as he said sarcastically, "You really couldn't 'get air'," he does air quotes, "at Darkflower Grove?" Arwan continues to sift through the drawer and he pulls out a white shirt and tosses it on his bed without looking.

I counter, "Because, Darkflower Grove is all fireflies and lakes and flowers. I've seen it all. I've been to the Glades twice and never went farther than the entrance of it." I stand awkwardly rocking back and forth on my heels that are in the process of recovering.

"Was it everything you imagined?" Arwan asks sarcastically. "Was it all dark and scary and did it give you that rush of adrenaline you ever so crave for God knows what purpose? Did it make you feel alive, Lilith? Did you enjoy almost dying?"

I know he's trying to prove a point and show me how stupid it was for me to go to the Glades but I don't care, I enjoyed it. I feel a small smile tug at the corner of my lips as I say quietly, "Yes, I think I did."

Play the part.

I need to remember why I am here. Getting heavily injured was not a part of my original plan, but maybe—just maybe, this might bring Arwan and I closer than I planned, therefore I can emotionally manipulate him to my will.

"You're insane, you know that?" Arwan asks with a stupid smile.

"I've been told once or twice," I say with an equivalent smile.

Just play along. Soon enough we'll be back in Asmen, back with Idris and nobody will try to kill you. Okay?

Okay.

To be completely honest, I am scared. I don't want to spend my entire life waiting for someone to finally succeed in my execution. I don't want to constantly wonder if today is the day. I don't want to be at peace when I'm buried six-feet below, simply because I have nothing to worry about except the second hell I will surely be sent to when I leave this one.

I do not want to be the Queen of Asmen that everyone hated and villainized— simply because she was not of a royal bloodline and killed others for fun—because that would be untrue.

I want to be the Queen of Asmen that everyone feared and for great reason. I want to be the queen who had extremely rare wields and used them to the best of her capabilities. I want to be written in history books as a leader— a great one. No, the best one. I want to be remembered, not forgotten. I want to live after death. I want to live a thousand lives of success and glory. I want what Salette was never given— a chance.

Arwan is still obnoxiously rummaging through his dressers to find clothes for me, but I have my own clothing and personally, I'd feel more comfortable wearing my own, "Arwan, I have clothes in my room. I can go grab them."

He stands upward, closes the drawer, and turns to face me, "Oh, right." He sounds unbothered, until I begin to walk towards the door to go to my room, "Lilith, I'll get them. Stay here and you can sit on the bed or the chair or at my desk. I really don't care where you sit, but you've just been standing there and I can only imagine how your feet feel, so please let me."

His politeness has been weird. Simply because I'm not used to kindness— genuine kindness, that is. But Arwan also has a certain tone of demand to his voice and I'm not necessarily attracted to it, just...drawn to it.

Focus, Lilith.

Right. The plan.

"What would you do," I ask, remembering to pretend. Pretend. Easy enough, "about the assassination rumors, I mean."

Arwan sits next to me and chews his bottom lip. His presence is ridiculously overwhelming because I'm still naked. Remembering this, I stand up, and drop the towel as I pull the shirt Arwan gave me, over my head.

I plop back down next to him and seems completely unbothered, probably because he quite literally bathed me. However, he didn't touch any part of me that was uninjured. He allowed me to clean my arms, my good leg, and my hair— he even turned around as I did so.

"Well," Arwan finally speaks and when he does, his voice is steady and curious— as if he's processing aloud, "Asmen's castle— I'd assume, is guarded. So you should be alright there. However, if it's a defect hunting you, perhaps hiding won't be the easiest thing." His brows furrow and he mentions, again, "However, if you stay here for a week or two—"

"Arwan, stop. I am not staying longer than necessary," My voice warned.

"Come on, Lilith. What's so bad about staying here for a while? We both need each other, whether you realize it or not—"

I know I need his help, but my pride won't allow it. I won't let it go, because letting it go means losing, and I don't lose.

I counter, "I do not need you. I have been on my own for the past two years–"

"So have I! You think I wanted my mother dead? You think I wanted my father to leave when I was twelve?" Arwan shouts, desperate for me to understand.

His anger is evident in his words, in his voice.

Stupid.

Yeah, I know.

We're both in the exact same situation. People— our own citizens believe we are unfit, undeserving of the positions we're in, of the elements we wield.

"Arwan, that's not what I meant—" I say softly, but he interrupts me, his voice angry and stern, "No, Lilith. It's exactly what you meant. You think because I was born into this life I have nothing to prove. You think I'm accepted with open arms," He looks at me as if I'd just scarred him in a deep and personal place that I hadn't known existed. Arwan's eyes are dark and the glare he's giving me is enough to cut some humane part of me in half.

He points an accusing finger at me, his tone unwavering, "You have no damn idea what I had to do to be taken half as seriously as I am. So don't you dare try to– to.." he stutters and clenches his jaw, "to even comprehend," he raises his voice even louder, "the way I have had to prove myself consistently. That I was half as worthy as I am for my position! That my mother wouldn't be ashamed of me! Yet, I am constantly belittled and—" he stutters and shouts, frustrated, "and undermined! I refuse to be underestimated, undermined, and overruled by—" Arwan pauses, his brows furrow and he inhales heavily and gazes at the floor, "You know what," he says awkwardly, immediately changing the mood of the room, "my apologizes, Lilith." He clasps and unclasps his hands, "If you excuse me, I'll be in my office," He strides towards the door and says, "I'll be sleeping there tonight, so if you're in too much pain to make your way to your quarters, feel free to stay here. My colleague, Morgan, will be down the hall if you need anything."

That's all he says before he walks out and closes the door loudly.